Times of Turmoil
by Alisa Blackwell
Summary: (Marauder Era) These are dark times, full of chaos and fear. It's Lily's seventh year at Hogwarts. Stuck in a postion where she cannot stop the events around her, she feels restless. (Plus she has to deal with James.) Lots of adventure, excitement, and ro
1. Default Chapter

Times of Turmoil  
  
   
  
   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the lovely Harry Potter characters, they are from the wonderful mind of J.K. Rowling! But if they ever did go on sale….hmmmm….  
  
   
  
   
  
Chapter One: The Routine Begins Again  
  
   
  
Lily Evans closed her eyes, listening to the rain outside her window, and shivered. She pulled the blanket around her tighter and resumed reading, staring at the words, but not really taking in their meaning.   
  
It was only a matter of days before she had to once again leave for Hogwarts, and time was quickly melting away. She wanted to savor the last days she had before going back to the yearly routine. Lightning struck so close that the entire village was lit up, if only momentarily. Sighing loudly, she shut the book, laying it on her lap. Her bright emerald eyes filled with worry. She couldn't escape the overpowering feeling that something was terribly wrong. Reports of the Dark Lord rising filled each whisper in every house and street corner. Witches and wizards were living in fear, and no one could escape the fact his power was increasing.   
  
Lily stared at the fireplace, deep in thought, watching the dancing flames grow higher. How long had it been sense her father had sent word? Three weeks? A month? And what could she possibly do about that? Who was she going to run to? Her mother lived her life in a fantasy. She spent every day as though danger did not exist, pretending life was grand. Lily wondered if she even cared that her husband was gone, and even more, risking his life. She couldn't help but feel hot anger rise in her chest   
  
"Let her dream," Lily thought bitterly, "At least she won't have to lose sleep." The dark wood clock on the mantle read two-twenty-seven.   
  
"Great…..perfect." Lily rose and walked into the kitchen, ignoring the booming thunder that seemed to shake the house.   
  
"How could anyone sleep though this?" She marveled at this, fumbling around for the teapot. In the other room, the clock chimed merrily, out of place in the house's melancholy atmosphere. Sitting down at the table, Lily placed her head in her hands, and outside, the rain continued.  
  
   
  
~~**~~  
  
  
  
She boarded the train as it was about to pull away, stepping around a couple of chatting third-years. Every compartment seemed to be full, and buzzing with the talk of eager students. She was about to enter one of the less crowded compartments when she heard a voice behind her.  
  
"Lily Evans, where are you headed?"  
  
She turned around quickly to face James, beaming at her.   
  
"James, not now. I'm not up for an argument, and you know I don't particularly enjoy your company."   
  
His smile faltered for a moment, but he shrugged. "I thought we'd put all that behind us, Evans." He glanced at his feet, apparently finding them extremely interesting. "You didn't answer my owl."  
  
"I've been busy," she said simply, desperately wanting to find a seat.   
  
He glanced back up, his dark eyes meeting hers. "It appears so." Lily stared at him, waiting for him to comment further, to say one of his infamous remarks, and realized he wasn't going to. His gaze was making her feel incredibly awkward, and she found herself irritated with him for it. She looked down the corridor, breaking away from his eyes, focusing on anything that would save her from this.   
  
"Go find a seat, Evans," James said, void of emotion. She was about to say something but he turned and walked away, leaving her standing outside he compartment door.  
  
  
  
Lily watched him leave, unable to shake the stupor that had formed over her. A loud crash in the compartment next to where she stood jolted her out of it, and she opened its door carefully.   
  
"Lily!" Instantly a pair of arms were thrown around her, squeezing the breath out of her lungs. She looked in surprise at Laura Rosewood's giddy face. "Laura.." she gasped, "can you ease up a bit?"  
  
Laura's face went from mirth to shock and she released Lily quickly.   
  
'Sorry," she grinned, "Everyone loves a good squeeze now and then."  
  
"Can't say much for their ribs, though." Lily smiled for the first time in weeks and looked at her friend.  
  
"How are you, Laura?"   
  
"Fine, fine, but what about you? How is.." she lowered her voice, which didn't help much because the entire group of students in the area was now staring at them, "how is everything?"  
  
Lily smiled, "fine," she said absently, not wanting to discuss her personal matters in front of three pairs of watching eyes. "What happened in here?"  
  
A sixth-year named Robert Miller let out a laugh and glanced at the boy sitting across from him, who Lily didn't know. "Will's been showing us his "Disruption Spell"….figures he can use to liven up some of the classes."  
  
Laura shook her head, "Just givin' me a whopping headache is more like it."  
  
The boy named Will smiled sheepishly and fiddled with his wand. Lily saw him steal a look at Laura from the corner of her eye and chuckled inwardly. She sank down into a seat and looked out the window. Gray clouds hung overhead, looking about ready to burst. It had been raining forever, it seemed. Laura plopped down next to her and nudged her side, "You ok?"  
  
"Yeah. Wonderful," Lily muttered. "Absolutely dandy." Soon, they would arrive at Hogwarts….and another year would begin.   
  
A/N : So, there the first chapter. What do you think??? It will get better I promise! Review PLEASE!!!!!!! Give me your ideas and suggestions, even if you hate it! 


	2. First Day

Times of Turmoil  
  
Disclaimer: Hehe…no, I don't own the Harry Potter characters, sorry. Do you? Ha ha…  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Lily ducked through the large doors seconds before the rain began, followed closely by Laura, who was still laughing at some of the boys who were now racing to beat the steadily growing downpour. The castle was warm and inviting compared to the murky gray world outside. Soft light bounced off the cool stone walls as they walked along the hallways, casting their shadows in long, dark figures as they passed. Lily couldn't wait to settle into her bed and wrap the comforting blankets around her, but there was still the Sorting to come, and of course, the feast. Laura was talking animatedly to bunch of fifth-year girls who were walking alongside her. Lily smiled affectionately. Leave it to Laura to talk to every person in the school. It was just her nature. As they rounded the corner, headed for the Great Hall, Laura nudged Lily's side.  
  
"I don't know about you, but that food isn't going to come soon enough. I'm starving!"  
  
Lily shrugged; she hadn't had much of an appetite lately it seemed. "The Sorting shouldn't take long," she replied.  
  
They entered the Great Hall to see the faces of the many students, the buzzing of conversation filling the air. As always, the vast room was bright and welcoming, filled to the brim with laughter and excitement that only the first day could bring. The four long tables were quickly filling up, and Laura grabbed Lily, hoping to find a good seat to watch the Sorting. As they walked the length of the table, Lily's eyes caught James', who was sitting with his usual group. Sirius Black had just made a remark and the four were having a good laugh from it. She quickly looked away, avoiding him, and remembering the incident on the train.   
  
"This is so stupid, Lily," she thought, "Forget about it. Honestly, James Potter? He's the worst of the lot." She sat down near the end of the Gryffyndor table and watched as a group of very nervous looking first-years waited to be sorted.   
  
"Were we ever that young?" She reflected the years that had passed, almost in the blink of an eye, and realized just how far she'd come. It was eerie how time could move so swiftly. One of the girls glanced at her, fidgeting with her long chestnut hair. Lily smiled softly and the girl returned it, turning back to her friends.   
  
Almost ten minutes later, after Clarke, Ralph had been sorted into Hufflepuff and Evercrest, Adrienne into Ravenclaw , Lily found out that the girls name was Fiona Dorsey. She clapped with her house as Fiona joined the Gryffyndor table and was greeted by the rest of the students. The opening speech didn't take as long as she thought it might, and in no time food had appeared on the tables. Delicious aromas filled her nose and she watched amusedly at Laura who was already piling food on her plate. A roll whizzed past her nose and hit Laura squarely in the face. Laura scanned for her attacker and, upon seeing that it was Sirius, reached for her wand and levitated a saucer of gravy over his head. His eyes grew wide, and much to the amusement of his friends, continued to do so as the saucer hovered dangerously over him.   
  
"This'll teach him," Laura giggled, and before Sirius could dart away, the gravy came splashing over him, soaking his robes and covering his face. He let out a strangled cry of surprise and anger and glared at Peter Pettigrew, who was laughing so hard Lily thought he might explode. James had fallen out of his seat and was now in a heap on the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks. Sirius wiped the back of his hand on his forehead and flung gravy at him, splattering his glasses. All the while, Remus Lupin was observing the chaos and chuckling softly.   
  
Lily turned to her friend, " See what you've started?"  
  
Laura smirked at her, "Well, you have to admit, it is somewhat entertaining. They'll go at it until supper's through."   
  
Lily stole a glance at James, who was now wiping his glasses on his robes, trying to make them wearable again.  
  
" They might." Lily murmured.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Lily walked beside Laura to the portrait hole, stopping in front of it.  
  
" Eternai Etonius." The portrait swung open, allowing them to enter the common room.  
  
"Glad you knew that," Laura laughed, "we might have been out there for a while."  
  
Inside, the room was full of life, and not to mention full of people. Lily nearly got plowed over by Gerald O'Connor, a big and burly sixth-year, and jumped out of his way as he charged full speed after his rat, which was now scampering under a chair.  
  
"Look out for Charlie," he bellowed, catching several students' attention, right before diving onto the floor and reaching frantically under a chair. It was a miracle that Charlie wasn't stepped on or squished in the mayhem. Gerald picked him up and carried him off to the boys dormitory, muttering under his breath.   
  
Lily decided she didn't really want to be tackled or run over, and slipped quietly out of the room, headed for the comfort of her bed. The girls' dorm was completely deserted when she got there, and silent save for the murmur of insects outside. She crossed the room and stood gazing out the window, her eyes roaming over the deep silhouette of the forest and the rest of the grounds. The night air was cool against her face, and for a change, t had stopped raining, but she doubted it would last. There were no visible stars, and even the moon was mostly blocked by dreary clouds. The sky looked desolate without any twinkling light. She closed her eyes and let the breeze wash over her.   
  
"Only another year," she thought, " a year isn't so long…"  
  
Sighing softly, she turned from the window and crawled into her four-poster bed. She lay there for some time, eventually drifting off to sleep.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Day broke dreary as ever the next morning, much to Lily's dislike, though she thought the Quidditch team might have been slightly more irked than she was. James had come trudging through the common room covered head to toe in mud, his feet making squishing noises with every step. Lily had been reading, a result from waking up and not being able to fall back asleep, and had glanced at him from behind her book. He'd muttered something under his breath about "practice on the first day" and "complete lunacy" and had marched past her, not acknowledging her presence. Whether or not she cared, she wasn't sure, but she pushed the thought from her head. Now, standing by her bed, she ran a brush through her crimson hair and walked quickly down the stairs to meet Laura. She was sitting on the floor, and when she saw Lily enter the common room, she smiled brightly.  
  
"I'll bet you five galleons my schedule's worse than yours, Lil."  
  
"Can't be," Lily smiled, reading over her shoulder, "I've got Transfiguration this morning, and then Potions. But hey, we have Defense Against the Dark Arts together."  
  
Laura laughed slightly, 'Well, that should be interesting. You'll get to watch me flub up, at least."  
  
~~**~~  
  
"I don't see why this class is so important," Peter grumbled, walking alongside James, "Essence of bulbweed this and powdered dragon claw that. It's a load of-"  
  
"hey Wormtail, send Snivellus my regards," Sirius yelled from down the corridor, "and make sure to give him a good kick in.." He trailed off as a flock of giggling sixth-year girls swarmed around him, competing for his attention, much to Remus' annoyance, who had been jabbed by book corners and elbows a fair share of times.  
  
"Ah, the joys of being Sirius, eh?" James said chuckling.  
  
Peter shrugged, "What can I say, when you're mates with Peter Pettigrew, the girls just find you irresistible."  
  
James snorted as the entered the dank Potions classroom. The fact that it was a dungeon was quite ironic, James thought, considering that the hours spent here were very similar to prison. Now where are the torture devices?  
  
Peter nudged him in the side, pointing to Lily, who sat taking notes. James said nothing, but nodded slightly and walked down to where she sat, taking his seat, as well as Peter, behind her.  
  
"Hey, Lily," Peter said, "Have a good summer?"  
  
Lily tuned around, first looking at James with her bright eyes, then to Peter.  
  
"It was fine."  
  
"Er..did you do anything?" Peter glanced at James, expecting him to jump in, which he did not.  
  
"Yeah," thought Lily, "I worried all the time and had nightmares every time I closed my eyes." but she simply replied, "Not really." She was focused on James, but turned around before Peter could ask anything else. He glanced at James questioningly, but was distracted as Severus Snape sulked past them, sending a glare of hatred at both him and James.  
  
"Hey Snivellus," Peter called, "Forget to take a bath over the summer? You're looking awfully greasy, my friend."  
  
Snape shot them a look of detest and sat down by himself in the corner of the room. James raised an eyebrow, looking at Peter.  
  
"I think Sirius has been influencing you, Wormtail. He would have been shocked."  
  
Peter grinned, taking out his quill. "Thanks, I do try."  
  
Surprisingly, the first potions class of the year went by without many major catastrophes . Margaret Thomson, a Hufflepuff, added a bit more bog root to her Laughing Potion, which was supposed to put one into fits of helpless giggles, and created a small explosion. Other than being slightly singed, she was fine. James' potion didn't turn out quite like it should have, but he figured that might be because Peter kept poking him and making cracks about Snape. Or, he thought, it might have been because Lily Evans was sitting right in front of him. Pick and choose. She'd looked at him once during the class, but only when he'd cursed softly after dropping a vile of one particularly foul-smelling ingredient on the floor, getting it on his robes. Even that time, she hadn't said anything.  
  
On their way out, he caught up with her by the door and stopped her in the middle of the hall. Peter sniggered as he walked past, racing off to find Remus and Sirius.   
  
"Evans," he said softly, "Lily."  
  
She stopped at looked at him silently, pressuring him with glowing emerald eyes, making him feel lightheaded.   
  
"Listen, I…erm..I'm sorry about the train, I.." She wasn't making this easy. "That is to say, I was just-"  
  
"James, I've got to head for class, can it wait?"  
  
He resisted the urge to yell, "No it can't wait, by God," but thought better of it. He sighed, "Fine. Let it wait. Go on."  
  
She eyed him for a moment, feeling that same awkwardness creep into her stomach. Maybe it was the way he looked at her, so intensely, as if he could see straight into her-  
  
She shook the thought fiercely, and took a step back, becoming instantly aware of how close they were standing.  
  
"I've got to go," she repeated, and set off down the corridor, feeling his eyes on her as she went.  
  
~~**~~  
  
  
  
A/N: So, there's chapter two, a little longer than the first one at least. I know the plot is really slow in developing and I apologize a thousand times for the boring bits, but once again, I PROMISE things will begin to speed up soon. So, please tell me what you think so far and any suggestions, thoughts, whatever. Thanks!! 


	3. Anger Builds

A/N: Hey all you people out there! I'd like to say: (ahem) Thank you, you wonderful reviewers, you! CrazyAmy, Lady Rebecca, Dark Elf, and Superhero for Hire, I love and appreciate your comments very much! Little by little things are starting to move along, so the encouragement, and criticism as well, help me while I sit here at my computer, trying to make up this plot as I go along. So far, I'm not frightened yet, haha, which I suppose is a good thing! Anyway, I'll cease my babbling now and let you read chapter three. And, as always, tell me what you think! Thanks so much!~~  
  
Disclaimer: Yes, I just purchased Harry, Ron, and Hermione. I'm working on Sirius. Haha. No, of course I do not own the Harry Potter characters, and if you think I do, well, that's poor judgment on your part, mate.   
  
Chapter Three  
  
Lily rubbed her sore elbow, walking out of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, and smiled consolingly at Laura.  
  
"Just practice a bit, that's all. I'll help you, and you'll be good at this stuff in no time."  
  
Class hadn't been exceptionally challenging the first day back; only reviewing the basics and doing some practice. Lily had teamed up with Laura in hopes of building her confidence, only to find that it might have been less painful if she hadn't. After several cries of "Impedimenta" Lily had accumulated several bruises, but Laura at least seemed to get the hang of that.   
  
"Or," Lily said, "talk to Remus. I'm sure he'd practice with you."   
  
Laura's cheeks turned scarlet, and she fiddled with her wand, "No, er, that's ok."  
  
Lily raised her eyebrows, "Oh. Well, alright then."   
  
Sirius walked behind Lily, and reached out a hand to tug on her hair. "Hey Lily, planning on ignoring me for the rest of the year?"  
  
"Only when you're acting like an idiot."   
  
"When do I ever do that?" Sirius laughed, winking at Laura.  
  
Laura giggled, "Don't ask questions like that, Sirius, she'll give you a full account."   
  
"Ah, well, we've got to have fun sometimes," he teased, a grin on his face, "Right, Lils?"  
  
Lily was about to comment when Sirius spotted Snape ahead of them, and gave them a big smile, "Duty calls."  
  
He pulled out his wand, aiming at Snape, but stopped when Lily grabbed his wrist.  
  
"Sirius, don't. Let him be." Her voice was heavy with exasperation, and the look in her eyes was hard to ignore.  
  
"Lily," he sighed, clearly agitated, "but-" He pocketed his wand, "Ok, fine. But why the hell do you stand up for him?"  
  
"It's cruel, even if it is Severus."  
  
Sirius let out a groan of frustration, "You just cost me some really happy memories."   
  
~~**~~  
  
James sank into the couch, the fire casting a glow on his face. Remus and Peter were playing wizards chess, and Peter was obviously losing judging by the sound of it. Every now and then, he'd let out a muffled sound of annoyance. James ran a hand through his messy hair and glanced at the work he hadn't even started yet. His quill and unused parchment lay sprawled on the floor at his feet. He glanced at Lily, reading with her legs drawn up in a chair, and let out a breath ,"Now or never", he thought, rising to his feet. She looked up at him as he did so, watching him.   
  
"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Good, good, at least he didn't sound nervous.  
  
Her eyes scanned his, "James, I'm-"  
  
"Lily, please. I'm not asking you to go frolicking in the forest with me, I just need a moment. That's it."  
  
She set her book down, sighing, and stood up. "Alright."  
  
Remus glanced up from the chessboard at James and gave him a slight smile, before saying discreetly to Peter, "This could be interesting."  
  
Standing in the shadows of the staircase that led to her dorm, Lily leaned against the cool stone wall, watching James. Her heart leapt to her throat, surprising her greatly, and she looked away.  
  
"James, say whatever it is you have to say, I don't really want to stand here with you all night." Liar, a voice from somewhere inside her said, who are you trying to fool? Leave me alone, she thought, just leave.   
  
James looked slightly crestfallen, pain flashing in his eyes, but then it was gone.   
  
"Sometimes I wonder why it is that you still can't stand to be around me," he said.   
  
Lily's gaze traveled back up to his; she regarded him silently, her face partially shrouded by the shadows.  
  
" I can't undo the past, Lily!"   
  
At this she stood taller, lifting her chin defiantly, " And I'm not asking you to."  
  
"Then what do you want me to do, then? I don't know what to say to you, Lily. I can't keep apologizing for myself when you won't even look at me!"  
  
He raised his voice slightly, after she'd managed to tear her eyes away from his, and took a step closer to her.  
  
"At least tell me why you didn't write back? Don't you think I deserve an explanation?"  
  
Lily stared up into his face, unable to think; she felt as if she couldn't even form the words to speak.   
  
"I told you-" she began, but he cut her off.  
  
"You were busy, I know. Forget it, Evans. I understand." He frowned, turning to go down the stairs.  
  
"Oh, come off it James, you have no clue. Don't stand there and tell me you understand anything!" Her emerald eyes were blazing furiously in the darkness. When he turned once more to face her, they stood almost nose to nose, him a step lower on the staircase than she.   
  
"Well how can I? You're too…damn…stubborn to let anyone even try!" He threw his arms up in the air in frustration and descended the stairs in a rage, entering the common room and glaring at Remus and Peter, who were both watching intently.   
  
"What are you looking at?!" He burst, and headed for the boys' dormitory before they had a chance to react.   
  
~~**~~  
  
"Care to tell me why you're sulking?" Laura plopped down at the foot of Lily's bed, giving her the "I-know-something's-wrong-and-you're-not-telling" stare.   
  
"Actually no, I don't," Lily snapped, "so if you don't mind, I have homework to do."  
  
Laura reached out and grabbed the quill from her hand, splattering ink on the formerly tidy essay.  
  
"What are you doing! That-"   
  
"That was a wake up call, Lil. You've been in the throes of melancholy since you got here."  
  
Lily snatched at her quill, but Laura kept it out of her reach. "I've got a little more to think about than some," she said callously.  
  
"But yet you refuse to talk about it. You are going to drive yourself crazy, Lily, and I'm not going to feel sorry for you. You go moping about each day like it's your last on Earth and pretty soon, no one is going to want to be within ten feet of you!"   
  
"Well, maybe that's for the best, now give me my quill and leave me alone."   
  
"No. Not this time. That's exactly your problem. Everyone's been "leaving you alone" for too long! You should hear yourself! I know you're afraid, I know it's been hard, but for God's sake, stop pushing people away!"  
  
"Go away, Laura," Lily said calmly, anger only evident in her cold stare.   
  
Laura looked slightly hurt, "Alright then. I'm sure you'll handle it on your own. Being alone is what you're best at, isn't it?" She slid off Lily's bed and walked to the door, pausing. "How long before you figure out that you can't escape everything you don't want to face, Lily?" Without waiting for a response she left the room, closing the door with a large bang.  
  
Lily felt the slam of the door ring in her ears, sitting motionless for a few minutes. After trying futilely to work on her essay she let out a long breath and slumped back against her pillows. Pushing people away, she thought, well what good would it do to have them around? Her eyes stung but she blinked furiously and crawled to the foot of her bed, leaning down to open her trunk. She dug through the contents, finally clutching onto a worn, leather bound journal and lifting it out gently. Settling back against the pillows, she listened for the sounds of any approaching footsteps, and satisfied that there were none, she carefully opened the cover, removing a well-read and creased letter, already aged from repeated viewings. Another lay within the pages of her journal, James', but she left it tucked away. Opening her fathers letter and feeling tears well in her eyes again she read.  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
I know it has been ages since I last wrote, but I know you understand how hard it can be. I cannot say a great deal, but know that I send all of my love. It may be some time before I can write again, we'll just have to see. Until then, take care and try to stay out of too much trouble.   
  
With all my love,  
  
Dad  
  
Lily felt a tear trickle down her cheek and brushed it away angrily with the back of her hand. It had been almost a month, but it felt like forever since she'd gotten that note. He could be anywhere. Never once did his letters give the slightest clue as to where he was, which of course was only a safety precaution, but Lily felt she would rest easier if she at least knew her father's whereabouts. Stuck in Hogwarts, she couldn't do a thing . As soon as the year came to an end, she planned to march straight to the ministry and tell them to give her a position. She'd make residence in their lobby if she had to. Hearing another report of killings or disappearances would drive her over the edge. Yet nothing seemed to be getting done. What were those idiots doing? Playing throw a dart at the map and making that the search area? Lily let out a cry of frustration and shut the journal. This could not go on forever.  
  
~~**~~ 


	4. A Break from Hostility

Chapter Four  
  
Disclaimer: No, I do not own the Harry Potter characters. I never have, never will. Argh….  
  
  
  
Lily strained her ears in the darkness…listening. The air that filled her nostrils was stale, as if it hadn't been exposed to human breathing for decades. Trying in vain to regain her bearings, she ran her hands along the damp stone walls, afraid to wander off into obscurity. Somewhere inside her an alarm was going off, telling her this wasn't right. Her heart quickened. She could not panic. Moving forward blindly, she felt the first trickles of cold perspiration run down her temples.   
  
"This weakness grows upon me. I am faint.." she murmured. Where did that come from? What lines from what verse were these? She shivered, trying to clear her mind, trying to find her way in the blackness.   
  
"And much I fear me ill-it will not do. To die ere I have lived!…." Her head was spinning.. "Prince of Powers of Darkness and Tomb, Oh pity me! Do not let me perish now-"  
  
She let out a cry of pain as her hand scraped across something sharp, drawing blood from her palm. Perhaps a jagged piece of rock, she thought, clutching her hand. Fear was seizing her now, making her numb. Resisting the urge to run, she clung to the wall. Her throat was beginning to burn from the foul air, and she wondered, if she managed to find her way out of this place, would she suffocate first?   
  
"Stop being dense, Lily.." she muttered, but the sinking feeling of fear that was thriving inside her told her otherwise.  
  
Lily tensed, once again straining to hear, sensing movement nearby. Her stomach gave a lurch when a hand clamped down on her shoulder, though all she could manage was a barley audible squeak. Her body felt like lead, and she realized that even if she managed to break away, there was no hope of making her way through the complete darkness around her.   
  
"I am going to die here," she thought suddenly, though it had been the only clear thought she'd had since finding herself in this place…the only firm thought.  
  
"Lily.."  
  
She jumped slightly, jarred from the terror inside her mind. It was almost too much to stand, hearing another voice, and for a moment, Lily felt like screaming. The hand moved to touch her hair and she was hit by a wave of recognition so powerful drove away all existing thought.   
  
Lily closed her eyes, her lips mouthing his name silently. She leaned into him, feeling his warm breath on her neck, dimly aware that he was turning her to face him.   
  
"James…"she whispered, cut off when he drew her closer. Even in the blackness she could feel his gaze, and she reached out tentatively to touch his face, her fingertips brushing delicately over his skin. Her heart was pounding fiercely in her chest, no longer from fear. She raised her fingers to touch his ebony hair, entwining them in it, desperately trying to satisfy the overwhelming desire that was building inside her. Lily shivered as he caressed her cheekbone. He lowered his head, pausing only for a moment before touching his lips to hers gently. A soft murmur of consent escaped her lips, and he fought to hold back no more. She moved feverishly against him, wanting nothing more than to taste him, to feel his body against hers. His hands moved hungrily over her, his fingers leaving a trail of fire across her skin. Her mouth parted from his in a hushed moan, followed by a distant clap of noise that cut through the silence and woke her with a jolt.   
  
  
  
She stared hard at her surroundings, disoriented. Laura walked by in front of her bed, returning from the bathroom, and gave her a little nod before crawling into her own four poster and pulling the blankets around her. Lily lay in her bed, her heart racing and covered in sweat. She pressed her lips together hesitantly, the image of James' kiss playing once again in her mind. She could feel his fingertips on her skin, remembering the sensation as he caressed her, the texture of his hair as she ran her hands through it. Struggling to regain some shred of her composure she scooted out of the bed, the cool air hitting her instantly and making her shiver. Her head was swarming with images from the dream. The darkness, her own fear, and then James. Lily let out a shaky breath., grabbing her robe from where it rested on top of her trunk. "James"…she glanced at Laura, who was fast asleep already. This was going to drive her mad.  
  
"Having dreams about Potter," she muttered to herself, heading for the common room, "Lily, you have got to get a hold of yourself." She raised a finger to her lips, and becoming angry with herself, descended the flight of stairs, furiously trying to rid her thoughts of his kiss.  
  
~~**~~  
  
The flicker of light from the common room surprised her. Hadn't the fire long died out? Or, even if it hadn't, wouldn't the house elves had made sure it was? She peered into the dimly-lit room as she rounded the long staircase. James was staring blankly at the fire, his quill resting in hand. Lily was about to dart back up the stairs but he glanced up just in time to see her.  
  
"Come to argue further, Evans?" He was slouched in a chair near the fire, parchment spread out before him. He hadn't touched it.  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you, but no. I just needed someplace quiet to think." She studied his features in the warm light, her eyes settling a little longer on his mouth. She looked away quickly, afraid of what his comment might be.  
  
"I couldn't sleep," he told her, "figured I'd attempt that essay," at this he gestured to his unused parchment.  
  
"I can see you've accomplished a great deal," she said, raising her eyebrows. A sudden image of her running her fingers through his dark hair flashed in her head. "Not now...I don't need this now!" she thought.  
  
"My mind keeps wandering," he sighed, offering her a weary smile.   
  
"That, I can relate to," she said quietly.  
  
James looked genuinely surprised, "No hostility. You're scaring me, Lily."  
  
She couldn't help but smile, "I'm tired. Arguing with you takes too much out of me." Going against every instinct, she crossed the room and sat down across from him on the couch. He watched as she curled up on her side and rested her head against the pillow. "What are you staring at?"  
  
"You," he smiled, "I don't think I've ever spent more than five minutes alone with you without a fight."  
  
"I don't think it's been five minutes yet," Lily said, closing her eyes. The fire was making her sleepy, or maybe, she thought, maybe it has to do with something else.  
  
"Guess we'll see then." James let his quill fall to the floor, giving up on his homework. "Why are you up, Lily?"  
  
Lily…she remembered the sound of his voice, whispering her name in the dark. "I told you," she said, "I needed to think."  
  
"Stubborn and evasive," he mused, "Oh well. I won't press the issue."  
  
"Good," she murmured, drifting near the border of sleep.  
  
"Good night, Evans," he said softly.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Lily opened her eyes to find sunlight streaming onto her face, and sat up quickly, forgetting where she was for the second time in one day. She'd come down here…and James was down here as well….though she didn't remember when she fell asleep. She glanced down to find that he'd covered her with a blanket and she shook her head.   
  
"Nice, Potter. Very courteous of you."  
  
The clock read 6:49. It was still reasonably early. She scrambled to her feet and climbed the stairs as quickly as she could, opening the dorm door as quietly as possible. Laura was already up and digging through her trunk in a frenzy.  
  
"I can't find my blasted tie," she mumbled irritably, and Lily spotted it from beneath the shadows of her bed.  
  
"Under your bed."  
  
Laura ducked her head under the bed and resurfaced clutching the tie. "Erm, thanks."  
  
"Yeah," Lily yawned, falling onto her bed.  
  
"Where were you?" Laura glanced up from fixing her tie and at Lily.  
  
"Common room. I must have fallen asleep down there."  
  
"What were you doing there? Sleepwalking?" Laura seemed to have totally forgotten the argument yesterday. That, or she didn't feel like discussing it. One thing had to be said for her, she got over fights faster than anyone Lily knew.  
  
"I couldn't sleep," Lily muttered, not sure if it was a lie or not.  
  
"Well, you'd better hurry. I want to get down to the library for a few minutes before breakfast and I'm gonna need your help."  
  
"What? Why? The library? This early?"  
  
"I'm helping Remus with some research he's doing," she said importantly, though Lily could see that she was very visibly blushing.  
  
"Oh well ,ok. And you need me to be there because?"  
  
Laura blushed an even deeper red. "Because I haven't the slightest clue what I'm doing. Please, Lily?"  
  
Lily sat up on her bed, looking at her friend, and sighed, "Ok, alright. Give me fifteen minutes."  
  
"Fifteen? Ten."  
  
"Thirteen."  
  
"Eleven, now go, before you waste the remainder of your eleven minutes."  
  
Lily shot her a look as she got to her feet and headed for the shower.  
  
~~**~~  
  
  
  
A/N: (Ahem) *stands in front of podium, fearing the sudden impact of tomatoes from the crowd* Well, that's chapter four. Lily and James are starting to warm up a bit, don't you think? I'm glad. She's been pretty mean over the span of time. The verses that keep popping into her head during her dream are taken from Edgar Allen Poe's, "Scene's from Politan" (an unpublished drama). Oh, and I should say this to all of you readers. *gets out large umbrella to defend herself incase of vegetable throwing* Yes, I do realize Lily's parents are Muggles. We all know this. I know it, you know it, my neighbor Betty and her Dalmatian dog know it. However, this is MY story, so if I feel the need to bend some of the …um…rules a bit, I apologize in advance and beg you to not get overly angry. If you are really that upset with anything that I do, then just stop reading. I hope you don't f course. I would like it if you continued the wonderful support you have shown me up to this point. But if not, then I bid you good day. Anyway, tell me what you think of this chapter!!!!!!!! Reviews are good, people! Thanks a bunch! 


	5. Water and Dust

Chapter Five  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter! NO! These are such a pain! Lol…  
  
A/N: Here's Chapter five, guys. Hope you like it, I had fun with it. Hehe. Oh! Orianne, my wonderful reviewer! Let me express my extreme thanks for your review. You have no idea how happy it made me! Thanks so much for your encouragement and suggestions/advice. And about the Lily's parents being Muggles question you posed….give me time, my friend and all will be revealed. *grins* I hope you keep reading! You give the most helpful reviews ever!!!! And to all you people out there, I'll shut up now. Go on. Read. Read now. Lol.   
  
~~**~~  
  
"And then I was in the hospital wing for a week," Laura finished, absently handing Lily an ancient looking book that was quite dusty.   
  
"Really? I would think you'd be rather bored," Remus smiled.   
  
"Oh, it wasn't so bad," Laura said eagerly, "I came up with things to do. I don't get bored very often, not with-"  
  
Lily had just placed the book on the shelf, rolling her eyes at Laura's giddiness, and interrupted her with a soft chuckle.  
  
"Well, if you two don't need me," she began, only to find that Laura wasn't paying much attention., "I'll just be battling with the lake monster…shouldn't take long."  
  
"Alright, Lily. See you then…" Laura said distractedly, her eyes never traveling from Remus. He'd begun to head for another bookcase and she was following at his heels, chattering persistently. Lily laughed quietly and made her way out of the library, stepping into the nearly deserted corridor.   
  
She taken no more than two steps when she felt cold water splash onto her head from above, soaking her robes. She looked up, letting out a cry of anger, "Peeves!!"  
  
The ghost was darting around the ceiling, carrying a now empty bucket. He stuck out his tongue and blew a loud raspberry at her, and let the bucket crash to the floor, laughing and pointing.  
  
"You horrible, demented -"  
  
"Peeves, not on Evans, you blasted fool," Sirius laughed, walking around the corner, "Lupin. You were supposed to get Moony. How did you mess-"  
  
"Black! This was your.." she sputtered, "you did… you idiot!!!" Peeves howled in laughter, now joined by Sirius, who gave Lily a mildly sympathetic look.  
  
"Sorry, Lily. Honestly, what were you doing in the library…it really was your fault, if you hadn't come outta there,-"  
  
Lily growled in aggravation, wringing out her robes. She gave him a glare and headed for the dorm, muttering obscenities under her breath and trying to ignore the guffaws emanating from behind her.  
  
~~**~~   
  
James stopped short of the portrait hole as it swung open, revealing a very drenched Lily in its wake. He looked at her dripping hair, mildly amused.   
  
Before he had the chance to remark, she said, "Did you know that Sirius has formed a coalition with Peeves?"   
  
"Wasn't aware of it," he laughed, "It must have been one of his more spur of the moment plans."  
  
"Everything was worked out, I'll give him that," she frowned, "except for me." She removed her sodden robe, glancing down to see that a small puddle had formed at her feet.  
  
James raised an eyebrow, "Who was he aiming for?"  
  
"Lupin."  
  
"I'm sure he'd appreciate it very much, Lily," he grinned. She looked at him, unable to stop a smile from forming on her lips.   
  
"I'll bet. I've got to change."   
  
She lingered for a moment, her eyes on his as if she were in thought, then she glanced away. He watched her climb the stairs, thinking back to the night before, and wondered if she had been awake when she'd mumbled his name.   
  
~~**~~  
  
The roar of students was deafening. Anticipation for the first Quidditch game of the year had been building for a week, and now it seemed, everyone was showing the pent -up excitement. James squinted, the sun shining brightly in his eyes, searching. Below him, the Gryffindor team gave a loud groan that reached his ears as Ravenclaw scored again, leaving the score 40-10. He tried not to worry about it, focusing on finding a glint of gold in the air. Robert Miller's voice filled the stadium with quick-fire commentary, hard for even James to drown out.   
  
"It's Gryffindor ten, Ravenclaw forty as Alison Golding blocks another shot from the Gryffindor team. Oh, wait, O'Connor has the Quaffle again, he's headed for the goal, and ouch! He's hit by a Bludger. That one had to hurt."  
  
James flew higher, the sun blinding him. Where was that thing?…..  
  
"And the Ravenclaws are in possession of the Quaffle! Jackson passes to Ferguson, heading up the pitch now, and-- oh, that was a close miss! Ferguson dodges the Bludger, preparing to score, but no! It's blocked by Lewis, the Gryffindor Keeper."  
  
A tremendous cheer from the Gryffindor team overpowered Robert Miller's commentary. James didn't hear it; he was intent on finding the snitch now. Nothing mattered but finding that tiny, glimmering- there! The Ravenclaw Seeker hadn't spotted it, and James leaned forward, his broom zooming past the oblivious Seeker. A Bludger skimmed past his ear, nearly slamming into his head, and in the crowd, Lily's stomach gave a pitch. The Ravenclaw Seeker had caught on by now, and was flying frenziedly behind James in an attempt to keep up.   
  
"James Potter of the Gryffindor team has spotted the snitch and followed closely by Christopher Smith. He'd better hurry if he wants to catch up with Potter!"   
  
James had extended his hand to grasp the Snitch, nearly colliding with Gerald O'Connor as he tried to get out of the way. He was so close…… The crowd seemed to have momentarily gone silent, watching the scene before them. As his fingers closed around the Snitch, its small wings beating against his palm, the crowd erupted in triumphant cheers, their hands forming a thunder-clap of applause. Robert Miller was jumping up and down , nearly crashing into McGonagall, who said in a miffed tone, though she was clapping, "Excuse you, Mr. Miller!"  
  
"Gryffindor wins!!!" Robert shrieked, "They win the first game of the season!!"  
  
James grinned victoriously, raising the snitch above his head, only to produce another bout of cheers from the Gryffindors. He scanned the crowd, looking at the excitement beneath him, and fell to the ground with an audible thud, dust and dirt flying up around him.  
  
"Potter's been hit by a Bludger," Robert bellowed, "and he's out, ladies and gentlemen."  
  
~~**~~  
  
James opened his eyes, the sunlight flooding his vision. He realized vaguely that he was lying on the ground.  
  
"James, that was a lovely trick you did," Sirius grinned, "Care to show us again?"  
  
McGonagall pushed him aside, "Out of the way, Mr. Black. Potter, are you alright?" Sirius shrugged and stepped back, a stupid grin still plastered on his face. He looked at Lupin, who gave an encouraging smile, though he appeared slightly more worried than Sirius. Peter was glancing back and forth from James to Sirius, as if not certain which one to look at.  
  
James stared at her, dazed, and started to sit up slowly.  
  
"No, Potter, you might be-" McGonagall began, but he cut her off.  
  
"I'm fine," he muttered, still disoriented, and raised a hand to the back of his head, instantly bringing his pain from a dull throb to a sharp jolt. "I'm fine," he repeated.  
  
Sirius laughed, "Course' he is," he said, "It's Potter. How much damage could a Bludger to the head have done?"  
  
McGonagall shot him a look but he ignored it, clapping James on the back, " Besides, we won, that outta make him feel better!"  
  
James let out a short laugh, getting to his feet, and then realizing exactly how dizzy he still was. McGonagall noted the expression on his face and turned to Remus.  
  
"Mr. Lupin, kindly assist Potter to the hospital wing."  
  
"No," James protested, "I don't need-"  
  
"If you continue to argue with me, Mr. Potter, I'll deduct points. Now go."   
  
James sighed and wobbled in the direction of the school, Remus steadying him every couple of yards.   
  
~~**~~  
  
  
  
A/N : (again, sorry) If you wanna see me do a happy dance you can review me. I really appreciate it! Sorry this chapter is a bit short, but I'll update soon! Till next chapter, amigos! 


	6. Quiet Before the Storm

Chapter Six  
  
Disclaimer: Harry is not mine. Sorry. None of the others are either.  
  
Lily closed her book….the noise had died down considerably. For hours now the whoops and shouts and occasional shrieks had resonated through the common room, penetrating the quiet of the dormitory. She'd left, unnoticed, when James entered, escaping the madness of the celebration. Now, however, it seemed reasonably calm.   
  
Walking down the flight of stairs, she noticed how empty the room felt, having been so previously full of activity. A few people sat near the fire, chatting and laughing, sometimes pausing to watch a game of wizard's chess, where a few more students had gathered around. Certainly not the booming celebration that she'd heard hours before.   
  
"Where have you been?" James was sprawled languorously in a chair, observing her.   
  
"Reading."   
  
"Feeling antisocial?"  
  
"Not particularly. I didn't want to watch you wallow in your success."  
  
"I didn't do much wallowing tonight."  
  
She moved to sit across from him, opting for the floor rather than the chair. She glanced at the slowly emptying room, knowing how secluded they appeared, sitting away from the heart of things.   
  
"Where are your comrades?"  
  
A soft smile flickered across his lips, "Reveling."   
  
"Why-" she began, but stopped, deciding it wasn't important. His eyes settled on hers.  
  
"It gets repetitive, Lily," he said simply.  
  
"Constant repetition tends to make life stale," she said quietly, "but we all have routines."  
  
He studied her for a moment, before nodding and saying, "That's somewhat inevitable, but I like to take a break from time to time."  
  
Lily smiled gently, drawing her knees to her chest, "How's your head?"   
  
"Better," he laughed, "I think my pride may have suffered more." He rubbed the back of his head, his fingers brushing the sensitive knot that had formed.  
  
"It will heal," she offered, resting her chin on her knees. It made her look incredibly childlike, he thought. Her hair fell to her shoulders, framing her face. The warm light from the fireplace gave her skin a vibrant glow. She was so beautiful….  
  
"So, when do things go back to the way they were? Between us, I mean?" He said it as lightly as possible, but she knew he was serious.  
  
Her smile faltered, "Don't ask me questions like that, James."   
  
"Questions you don't know the answer to?" He saw her brows furrow and relented, "Alright, Evans."  
  
They sat in silence, listening to the crackling of flames from the fireplace, Lily wearing a somber expression and staring at the floor. Most of the remaining students had given up for the night. Only two third-years remained, the only other people in the room.   
  
"What is it?"   
  
She glanced up, his voice breaking her from her thoughts. "Nothing, just thinking."  
  
"That's vague."   
  
"Yes."  
  
"Care to tell me what about?"  
  
"Not really." Lily leaned against the base of the chair. Her brain seemed to be working in overdrive. How long before it shut down, she mused. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"You'd ask if I told you 'no'," he smiled, "so go ahead."  
  
"Don't you ever feel like you're wasting your time here?" She sat up straight, "The whole world is falling apart and you're doing essays. Somehow that seems a bit trivial to me, in the scheme of things…"   
  
James stared at her silently, making her feel awkward at her outburst. She sighed, "I don't know what to think anymore…It just doesn't feel right, with everything that is going on, and people just ignore it. Why am I the only one that can see there is something wrong here?" She fell back against the chair, exhaling slowly.  
  
"Open your eyes, Lily. There a quite a few people, besides you, who are thinking exactly that same thing," James said, "Don't think you're alone, here."  
  
"It doesn't seem to bother you," she said, harsher than she intended. Damn it, Lily, she thought, he's listening to you and you're being an arse. Good job.  
  
"Well, we don't all wear our emotions on our sleeves," he told her, raising his eyebrows.   
  
"Sorry, it just plagues me everyday."  
  
"You're worried," he said.  
  
"How astute, James."  
  
"About your father."  
  
Her eyes widened, her body becoming rigid, "Glad to see the Ministry could provide such wonderful conversation topics," she said coldly, "How much information does your father relay to you?"  
  
"Lily, it's not like that. You know that."  
  
"I do. But I also know that having someone like my father in league with the Ministry must seem very interesting," she spat, her anger not towards James, but rather at the situation.  
  
"What your father does is very brave, Lily." He looked at her softly, watching as she curled her hands into fists.  
  
"He's….a…bloody…fool." Her eyes focused on his, "It's not brave, it's suicidal." She dug her nails into the palms of her hands. "Gathering information like some sort of secret service agent…. the fact that he's not a wizard isn't going to cover him, it's just another danger!"  
  
"He's not going to do anything stupid. I don't think he'd risk that. Not when he has you, and well, your family."  
  
Lily's expression turned from anger to disgust. "Family? How comforting. Mum's in denial and my sister," she massaged the bridge of her nose, her head aching fiercely, " she's not exactly concerned with any of it."  
  
"When was the last time you talked to him?"  
  
"Talked? It's been too long…the last letter he wrote is from over two months ago."  
  
"It's hard to-," he began, but she shot him a glare.  
  
"I know that."  
  
"I'm sorry. Not my place."   
  
"Why am I even talking to you about this?" she muttered. She closed her eyes, her headache throbbing painfully. She needed to go to sleep, to quit mauling this about.   
  
"Don't carry this around by yourself, Lily. It will only make it harder to deal with."  
  
"Damn you, since when do you care about other people's feelings?"  
  
James smiled, " I am human. There's compassion in here somewhere."  
  
Lily sighed, letting out a quiet laugh. "Ok…alright." She studied him wordlessly, and then reached out to take his hand. "Thanks." James responded by giving her hand a gentle squeeze.  
  
"Good night, Evans." He rose to his feet, offering her a weary smile before climbing the steps to his room.   
  
~~**~~  
  
A/N: So, that's chapter six. I realize that the only characters in it were James and Lily, and that it was extremely short, but I really think this chapter was an important one. Just a quiet moment between the two of them before the storm. I don't know why James seemed so…well…depressed at the end of the chapter, but I guess it'll work itself out later. So, review if you'd like. Wow, this sense of melancholy has really settled on me. Sorry for the lack of lightheartedness in this chapter. That is the way life goes, though. The good times with the bad and all that. Till next chapter…. 


	7. Intuition

Chapter Seven  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. The only thing that is are the characters I made up. (Like Laura) Everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling, of course.  
  
A/N: A little longer chapter at least. This is one of my favorites so far, but I'm strange. I think it's just because James and Lily's friends are starting to say to themselves, "Hey, what is going on here?" Haha. So, here it is, ready to be read. I hope you'll review! Oh, and by the way, Asinad, you're awesome! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your reviews! I hope you'll keep reading!!!!!! Thanks!!!  
  
~~**~~  
  
The crisp winds of late Autumn swirled Lily Evans' hair around her face as she walked alongside James. The sun had momentarily gone behind the clouds, lowering the temperature significantly. Her cheeks were now rosy from the chilly gusts of air.  
  
"I got a letter from my father this morning," she said quietly.  
  
James looked a her with a mixture of sympathy and concern. "It's been a long time, what did he say?"  
  
"Absolutely nothing…I can predict every letter's contents before I even bother to open them."  
  
"It's communication, at least," he said, "albeit not the most in depth."  
  
"You would think that it would suspend my worrying for a little while, but it only makes it worse." She tugged her cloak around her, "I don't understand why."  
  
"You think more about him," James pointed out, "It's a lot harder to escape when you've got something concrete in front of you." He ducked as they walked beneath a tree, a low hanging branch elevated enough from the ground for only Lily to pass under. "It serves a reminder," he finished.  
  
"Is there anything you don't have a quick response to?"   
  
He smiled, "Yes. Any question asked in a classroom environment."  
  
She shook her head, laughing, and linked her arm with his, completely unabashed. He glanced down at this, slightly surprised, but said nothing. Instead, he marveled at how natural it felt. They walked for a while in silence, James fighting to keep the tremendous grin from spreading across his face.  
  
"How is Sirius doing?" His smile quickly turned to a frown.  
  
"Reasonably well, considering the circumstances."  
  
"We're creatures of the same sort," she said, "He doesn't let a lot show. Has he talked to you, about any of it?"  
  
"Only when it comes to finding his own place," James replied, "but otherwise, no."  
  
"I think it would be good for him." She smiled, welcoming the warmth of the remerging sunlight.   
  
He retuned her smile, "So does he."  
  
"It's going to be a cold winter," she said abruptly.  
  
He raised his eyebrows incredulously, "What makes you say that?"  
  
"I can feel it."   
  
James laughed at the matter-of-factness in her voice, "For someone who struggled so much with Divination you seem to be pretty confident."  
  
Lily wrinkled her nose, "All that crystal ball reading, dream interpreting, let's look at a tea cup and predict the future trash isn't worth a stone," she declared, "I rely on my intuition."  
  
He grinned, "Then I trust your judgment."  
  
"Thank you."   
  
To any outsider the pair would have appeared to be great friends, possibly more, with Lily's arm entwined in James's and the two conversing as they strolled along the grounds. Sirius, at least, stared at the scene for a good couple of minutes before nudging Remus and saying, "Lookit' that." Remus glanced in their direction. "Good for James," he said. Sirius laughed, cupping his hands to bellow, "Hey Prongs, we are touched, really, but we need to have a discussion."  
  
James turned his head to look at him, visibly annoyed. "It can wait."  
  
Sirius gawked, put-off. "Yeah, sure…" he muttered, heading back toward the direction he came. Remus looked at James apologetically and nodded to Lily before heading off after Sirius.  
  
Lily's arm had somehow managed to slip away from James's during all of this, and she now walked beside him instead. "You should go catch him," she said.  
  
"Why? To talk about the latest prank he's devised? I'd rather talk to you."  
  
Lily glanced at him, 'Suit yourself."   
  
"So, it's back to this, now, is it?," he thought, planning on having his full say when he saw Sirius again.   
  
A few moments of quiet passed before she looked to him and said, "Did you ever read anything by Lord Byron? Non-magical, of course, but he wrote a poem called "Darkness." I've been thinking a lot of it lately."  
  
She looked at him before continuing. "It's about a world without light, after the sun is extinguished. People live in perpetual blackness, struggling to survive, tuning against one another, and a war breaks out. Life slowly begins to fade away, and soon, it's gone. Civilization collapses."  
  
"Let's hope that doesn't become too applicable to our situation," James said.  
  
"It will get much worse," she murmured, "before it gets any better."  
  
"It won't always be this way. Life will eventually go back to normal." "I'm not so optimistic."  
  
"That's not optimism, it's intuition," he said, smiling softly. She paused, her eyes on his. The wind had died down, only emphasizing the silence between them. Lily's eyes sparkled with laughter, making him want more than ever to take her in his arms, to hold her an eternity and forget about the world around them. She touched his arm, shattering him from his thoughts.  
  
"We should probably head back," she said.   
  
He blurted out, "Why?" before he could stop himself.   
  
"Because it's getting cold," she laughed.  
  
He grinned sheepishly. "Oh, right."  
  
She shook her head, "Come on."  
  
~~**~~  
  
"Glad you could join us, Prongs. Been having a good time?" Sirius glanced up sarcastically as James entered the dormitory.   
  
"No thanks to you," James muttered, sinking onto his bed.  
  
Sirius raised his hands in defense, "Hey, I was under the assumption that your friends mattered to you."  
  
"Bugger off," James snapped, throwing his pillow at Sirius's head. He dodged the assault and said with a chuckle, "A bit temperamental, eh?"  
  
Peter giggled from his seat on the floor, "Lily must be affecting him," he snorted.  
  
James sat up, looking decidedly irritated. "Well Wormtail, considering that you cannot even set foot near a girl without falling all over yourself, I'd say I'm a little better off."  
  
Peter grumbled something and shut up, producing another roar of laughter from Sirius.  
  
"Now, where did Moony go?"  
  
Where else? The library.," Peter mumbled. He was still sulking.  
  
"Figures," Sirius said, rolling his eyes, "Better go get him. I've got plans. Big plans!"  
  
James looked at him skeptically. "The last time you had a 'big plan' it consisted of jinxing the toilets to sing whenever someone used them."  
  
"That was a good plan," Sirius said defensively, "but this is better!"  
  
"Leave me out of it," James sighed, falling back on his now pillow-less bed.  
  
"You're starting to sound like Moony."  
  
"Am I?" James found he didn't much care.   
  
Sirius stared at him, shocked. "Fine. He's right though, you know. She is getting to you."  
  
James would have thrown something else at his friend had there been anything within grabbing distance, but they exited before he had the chance. He closed his eyes, realizing that he now had a tremendous headache.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Lily stood up, her body aching.   
  
"Am I getting better?" Laura had been practicing for nearly an hour now with Lily, and was, surprisingly, showing improvement. After yelling 'Stupefy" for the fifth time, she was becoming quite good.  
  
"Erm, yeah," Lily laughed, "In fact, I think we should move onto something else." She'd fallen to the floor, always missing the pillows and landing on the hard stone. Needless to say, she felt pretty sore.  
  
"Alright," Laura said, "lets-"  
  
"Lets take a break," Lily interjected, "Just for a while."  
  
"Sorry, I'm just afraid I'll lose my ability. I was on a roll."  
  
"I know," Lily muttered, sitting gingerly on one of the pillows.  
  
"Where were you earlier? I was looking everywhere. Thought you might want to go down to the library with me."  
  
"With you and Remus? No thanks. We all know how that goes."  
  
"No, not with Remus, just you and me. I have that Potions essay to finish yet."  
  
"Ah, have you given up the relentless pursuit?" Lily grinned, knowing full well that Laura had decided quite some time ago that Remus was too hard an egg to crack.  
  
Laura sighed, "Well, I don't think I was getting anywhere."  
  
"You gave good effort," Lily teased, "I'm sure, given time-"  
  
"Oh stop it," Laura said, "I know I was a bit enthusiastic."  
  
" Not the word I would have chosen, but yes, you were," Lily laughed.  
  
"You still didn't answer my question," Laura said evasively.  
  
"About?"  
  
"Where were you this afternoon?"  
  
"Walking." Lily stood up, "Ready to begin again? I thought we'd try the-"  
  
"Walking? Why on earth for?"  
  
"No reason. I just felt like it. Now can we please-"  
  
"Were you out there thinking about that letter you got? I know you don't want to talk about it with anyone ," at this Lily glanced away, "but don't go beating yourself silly about it. Honestly, I don't see why you-"  
  
"I was just talking to James," Lily sighed, exasperated. "I can't bear to hear another speech. Are you ready to work or not?"  
  
"James? Why? Were you having ANOTHER argument? It's always an argument, always. I don't see why you can't even get along for five minutes, it's like a sport or something,-"  
  
"LAURA!!!"  
  
Laura stopped, surprised, and looked up at Lily. "What?"  
  
"Not arguing, alright? Now, let's work on some hexes."  
  
Laura got to her feet, eyeing Lily. "Not arguing? But," Lily gave her a sharp look and she closed her mouth quickly.  
  
"As I was saying, hexes can come in very handy if….."  
  
~~**~~ 


	8. Realization

Chapter Eight  
  
A/N: So, here is chapter eight. I was a bit delayed in posting it because It's been a very stressful past few days. Thanks for your reviews, and I hope you'll continue. It truly brightens my day. This chapter is a little short, but at least it's finished. I'll update soon.   
  
~~**~~  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
"What do you think he's up to?" Laura asked, glancing at Lily, "Sirius, going to into the library? I didn't think he even knew where it was."  
  
"Hmm? Oh, I don't know."  
  
"Will you put that book down and listen to me?! Honestly, Lily, you'd think it would be permanently attached the way you haul it around."  
  
"I was listening. Sirius, library, I heard you," Lily muttered, turning the page.   
  
"We should follow him, see why he's in there."  
  
"I don't really care why he's in there."  
  
"Well I do, so are you coming or going?"  
  
"I'm not spending my time spying on Sirius with you. I'll see you later."  
  
Laura shrugged, "Alright. Guess it'll just be me then. Better that way anyway. I'll look less conspicuous." She entered the library, trailing behind Sirius.   
  
~~**~~  
  
Lily glanced longingly to the window, wishing she could sit and read by the lake, rather than inside. The weather had become increasingly colder over the past few weeks and she thought that if she stayed out for too long she might freeze. Early November had brought no snow yet, but the clouds hung overhead like thick gray blankets, blocking out the warmth of the sun.   
  
Yes, she decided, it's definitely too cold out there. Laura had been in the library for nearly an hour now. What she could find so fascinating about spying on Sirius, Lily could not understand, but, then again, there were quite a few things Laura did that Lily didn't understand. It was only three in the afternoon, but it would be dark soon. "That's what's bad about this season," she thought, "It's always dark too early." The sound of the portrait opening caused her to look up.  
  
"You might want to tell Laura that if she wants to watch Sirius, she should try to be less obvious. I saw her peeking between a couple of books on the shelves," James said, smiling at Lily. He sat down in the chair facing her, "I don't think I've ever seen anyone look so guilty."  
  
"What did you say to her?"  
  
James grinned, settling back in the chair, "I told her the view might be better from the next shelf up."  
  
Lily laughed, "I wish I would have gone with her just to see her face. What were you doing in the library?"  
  
"Attempting that essay for McGonagall. How I'm going to finish it by tomorrow I have no idea."  
  
"Just do what you always do. Scribble down a few quotes and stretch it out as far as you can."  
  
James smiled, " I resent that, Lily. You know I take great pride in my work." He looked down to the book that she'd placed on her lap. "What are you reading now?"  
  
"The Count of Monte Cristo," she said, looking fondly at the cover, "yet another relic from non-magic life. It's about a man whose entire life is turned around when,-" she looked up at James, who was watching her with a quiet smile. "You don't want to listen to book summaries, I'm sure."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well, because, never mind," Lily smiled, "anyway, it's about a man who is sent to prison for a crime he didn't commit. He's torn from his father, his freshly stating career, and the woman he was about to marry. During his imprisonment, he figures out that his friends had plotted against him, each man's jealousy bringing them to create a plan that would rid him of their lives forever. But, he escapes the prison, and is determined to find revenge. That's actually all the more I've read so far."  
  
James had been listening silently, observing her, watching the way her face lit up when she retold the story. He smiled, "How does he escape the prison?"  
  
Lily laughed, retuning his smile, "You'll have to read it sometime."  
  
"I might." He would never actually have the chance to read it. The book would still be sitting on the bookshelf when Harry's infant screams rang though the silence of the ill-fated house. A house that was yet to be purchased, where the smells of spice and warmth and the sounds of a crackling fire were yet to be heard. James and Lily's house. It would be a home Harry would never remember.  
  
Lily nodded, "You should. You might actually enjoy it." She caught the sight of movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to look out the window. "It's snowing." The first snowflakes had begun to fall, soft and feather-light. She rose to her feet, crossing the room with a smile on her face. Feeling like flinging open the windows and letting the powder fall into her palm, she gazed at the sky through the window panes. "It's a bit early, but it's snowing. I told you it would be a cold winter." James moved to stand behind her, watching as the light snow began to speckle the ground.   
  
"You were right," he said. Standing so close to her, he could smell the soft scent of her perfume. She turned to him, beaming.   
  
"I have a knack for these things." Her emerald eyes were alive with mirth; she looked happier than he'd seen her in quite some time. James was fighting an internal battle, and losing remarkably. If only she wasn't so close, gazing up at him with that smile…  
  
"Lily…," he said quietly.   
  
  
  
She closed her eyes, feeling his fingers brush against her cheek, unsure whether to listen to her mind or her instincts. The sensation of his fingertips on her skin was driving her thoughts away at a rapid speed , and she opened her eyes to meet his. Lily placed her hand tentatively on his, searching vainly for a reason to pull away and finding none. She could feel her defenses crumbling, leaving her exposed and vulnerable, and this terrified her more than anything . She was open to him, unguarded. The realization painfully apparent in her gaze, she forced herself look away. "He knows," she thought, "how can I look at him….he knows."  
  
  
  
James ran a hand gently through her hair, his fingers gliding through the soft tresses, lingering at the nape of her neck. Lifting her chin, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers softly, his senses flooding. The warmth of her petal-soft lips was intoxicating. She reached up to touch his face, delicately skimming her fingertips over his skin. Finding it increasingly difficult to control his own fervor, he wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her closer, the sweet fragrance of vanilla filling his nostrils. Lily allowed her arms to find their way around his neck, her heart pounding furiously against his. Their lips parted only momentarily, meeting again more passionately, James more sure of himself and Lily drowning in the sudden onslaught of emotion. She was fully aware of her desire for him, knowing that if this continued, she would not be able to regain control. Unable to withstand the intensity of her own feelings, she jerked away from him, surprising not only James but herself.   
  
  
  
Lily looked fixedly at him, her cheeks flushed, her breathing unsteady. He appeared hurt by her abrupt rejection, but she could say nothing. Instead, she stood rooted to the spot, struggling to calm her heart, and to fight the heat that had been slowly rising in her body. She watched agonizingly as he stepped away, the pain evident in his eyes. He made as if to touch her arm, but withdrew his hand. She wanted to tell him to stay, to wrap his arms around her and let her stay there, feeling loved and comforted, but her mind was reeling.   
  
"I'm sorry, Lily," he said softly, and then he was gone. He'd walked out of the room while she stood lifelessly, only able to watch. The quiet was hard to endure, broken only by the sounds of the wind against the windowpanes. Lily stared miserably out the window, resisting the hot tears that were threatening to spill, making her vision blurred. She closed her eyes, her lips still tingling from his kiss, and let out a shaky sigh. The snow was beginning to taper off, leaving the sky gray and cold once more, and in the silence of the deserted room, she realized, with staggering impact, that she loved him.  
  
~~**~~ 


	9. Unexpected

Chapter Nine  
  
Disclaimer: I never have and never will own the Harry Potter characters that J.K. Rowling has blessed us with. I really do find these to be quite a hassle. Oh well, C'est la vie.  
  
  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
~~**~~  
  
Walking alone through the corridors, James ignored the occasional comments and greetings from the numerous painting on the walls. He was lost in thought, looking ahead but not really seeing. Why had he let himself lose it like that? What made him think that somehow things would just "fall into place?" Nothing ever worked that way. He descended a staircase, passing a group of third-years. While they laughed and chatted, walking up the stairs, he was trapped in his own mind. He could still smell vanilla, could still fell her in his arms, and even more vivid was the memory of her kiss.  
  
His lips were still warm from hers. How could he have thought for one second that she cared? James ran his hand absently through his hair, a habit he would have for the remainder of his life. He would never be able to break it. His head was throbbing. Why had she responded to him if she only meant to push him away? More importantly, why did he care so much? Two years ago, would it have mattered? He doubted it greatly. James Potter, once conceited and bullying, now reduced to wandering alone down the Hogwarts corridors, fighting with the nagging voices that kept popping into his head and sulking about Lily Evans. Well, that's karma if I've ever heard it, he thought sullenly. Why do you care, James? He though he already had an answer for that question, though admitting it to himself might be a little difficult. Still, the voice continued. You care for her, James. Can't you see? You care so much that it's hard to think about. And maybe, just maybe, you -  
  
"Prongs, hey, where are you headed?" Sirius's voice cut through his thoughts, and he glanced over his shoulder to see his friend walking jovially up behind him.  
  
"Just walking," he muttered, glad to be free of his mind, for the time, at least.  
  
"Right," Sirius laughed, "why didn't you warn me Pince was such an old bat? You'd think I'd started shouting off curses the way she ran me outta there!"  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
He shrugged as if to say, "who knows?" and grinned. "I had an admirer though."  
  
"What are you talking about?"   
  
"Laura Rosewood. Yep, I think she fancies me."  
  
James let out a breath as they turned the corner, glancing at Sirius and saying, "Is that so?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm thinking about seein' if she wants to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend." He looked pleased with himself, but James continued to frown.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Thinking about Evans? I can see it written all over your face, mate. If I were you, I'd just-"  
  
"You're not me," James said irritably.   
  
Sirius raised his eyebrows, amused, "She's really getting to you."  
  
"I know." Apparently his comment surprised Sirius, and resulted in a long bout of silence. After the moment had passed, Sirius said consolingly, "Just tell her, James."  
  
"It's not that simple. Not everything is so easy," he sighed, "I'll talk to you later." He turned and went in the other direction, Sirius standing in the middle of the hall.   
  
"Maybe I should have a little talk with darling Lily," he thought as he watched James walk away.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Lily rolled onto her side, listening to the bursts of laughter wafting up to the window as snowball fights waged below. It wasn't the best snow for such activities, but the students seemed to be making due. Her temples throbbed madly, and she grabbed a pillow and buried her head under it, blocking out as much of the sound as she could manage.   
  
Several times she had thought about setting off to find him, forcing herself to tell him everything, hoping he would understand, but would only make it to the door before realizing she couldn't. He had glimpsed her without her guard, but that was her fault, wasn't it? She'd let him. And you let him into your heart as well, she thought. Now you truly have a problem, don't you? Because now it matters. He matters.  
  
Lily let out a groan of frustration, sitting up on her bed, and feeling extremely torn. She could let down her defenses and let him in, along with the knowledge that every time he looked into her eyes he'd know what she was thinking, regardless of whether or not she chose to tell him. "He already knows, Lily," she thought. Or, she could avoid him the rest of the year and pretend like her heart wasn't screaming in pain whenever she did happen to run into him. "What wonderful choices," she muttered out loud.  
  
"Or," a voice said," you could stop being an absolute idiot and tell the bloke how you feel. Can't do much harm."  
  
"It might."  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"Leave me alone."  
  
"Why? So you can mope about? This is too entertaining."  
  
Lily glanced up as Laura entered the room, grinning broadly. If it was possible, her head ached even more from her own inner arguments.   
  
"Well that was certainly interesting," she laughed. Lily remained sitting on her bed, staring at Laura blankly.   
  
"I think Sirius thinks I fancy him. He caught me, thanks to James, and I sat there talking to him for about an hour. Till' Madam Pince got a bit angry with us. Said the library wasn't for socializing."  
  
Lily winced inwardly at the mention of his name, but Laura continued.  
  
"Maybe I do sort of fancy him, now that I think about it," she grinned, "From Remus to Sirius, what a switch, eh?"  
  
Lily nodded slightly, "It is." She rose to her feet, ""I've got to get out of this room for awhile."  
  
Lily was exiting the common room as Sirius rounded the corner, flashing her a grin.  
  
"I was just thinking, you know who I haven't talked to in a while?"  
  
"Let me guess," Lily said brushing past him.  
  
"Whoa, hold on, Evans. We need to talk."  
  
"I cannot fathom what about," she sighed, "Sirius, this hasn't been one of my better days. I'm asking as a friend, just leave me alone."  
  
"What is it with people wanting me to leave today?" He smiled, "Sorry, this is important."  
  
"Is it about Laura? I really can't handle this right now. If you want to ask-"  
  
"Wrong again, Evans. Just let me say my peace, then you can go on your merry, well, not really merry, but you can go on your way," he said.  
  
She shot him a look but waited for him to continue. Seeing that she wasn't going to walk away, Sirius said, "It's about Jam-"  
  
"No!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why? You haven't even heard what I'm going to say, you're jumping to-"  
  
"No!!" She began to walk quickly down the hall, but he followed behind her.   
  
"Evans, Lily, hey! Listen to me!!" She'd turned a corner and was climbing a flight of stairs, Sirius trying to catch up.  
  
"You're a stubborn one," he said, "but so am I. So I'll follow you through this entire castle if I have to, but don't you think it'd be easier if you just listened to what I have to say?"  
  
Lily considered this, looking at Sirius, and then proceeded to walk into the girls' bathrooms.  
  
He made to follow her, but decided it would be best not to. Outside the door, he let out a laugh. "Fine. Have it your way."  
  
~~**~~  
  
The snowfall had decided to take a break, having been exercising itself all morning. Lily made her way through the great oak doors, instantly chilled from the icy wind. The entire week it had continued to snow periodically, and now the ground was a glistening blanket of white. Her eyes adjusted to the bright glare as she continued to make her way across the grounds. This wasn't going to be easy. Not at all.  
  
Her eyes picked up on James's tall figure; she could see the wind ruffling his dark hair as it blew past a tree near the lake, snow drifting along with its course. As she approached him, her feet made soft crunching noises on the ground, and he glanced back to see her as she joined him.   
  
"What are you doing out here?" He remained focused ahead, even when he spoke to her.  
  
"Attempting to talk with you, but you seem to be observing the lake." She could see her breath in the air, forming clouds as she exhaled. "I finished my book," she said quietly.  
  
"But you won't tell me how it ends?"  
  
Lily smiled slightly, "No." Her cheeks were already rosy from the chilly air.  
  
"Of course."   
  
"We need to talk," she said, "I've been avoiding it."  
  
"So I've noticed. I apologized, Lily." He turned to look at her then, his eyes meeting hers with startling sincerity, "I don't know what more I can do."  
  
"I don't want an apology," she said, "that's not why I'm standing out here in the freezing cold talking to you. I'm not after your contrition, James." He stared at her silently, watching her as her hair blew against her cheek, remembering the feel of her skin beneath his fingertips. Had that only been mere days ago? It seemed like a distant memory.   
  
"I-" I don't think I can do this, she thought, "I don't need your regret."  
  
"I can't give it," he said bluntly, "then what are you looking for? An argument? A way to pass the time?"  
  
"No," she said angrily, "Will you just listen to me? Or are you too thickheaded to even do that?"  
  
James relented, waiting silently for her to continue. The wind was picking up, it seemed, and he wouldn't be surprised if it began to snow again. As it was, a large majority of the students were heading into the warmth of their rooms, deciding the weather was getting too hard to ignore. One little Hufflepuff first-year abandoned her snow angel and made her way, friends in tow, to the school. Lily took in none of this. She was focused on James.   
  
"Do you have any idea how unnerving it is to have someone simply look at you and feel like they can see straight into your…," she grasped for words, "Well, right into your soul? It's terrifying. When you build your guard up and someone comes along and crashes it down, and you realize that you didn't even see it coming." She let out a breath, folding her arms across her chest and shivering. "I didn't want to have someone see me. I didn't ask for it; it just happened and I didn't have a say in it."  
  
"Lily," he began, but she refused to hear.   
  
"I know, this doesn't make sense. I can't make it make sense. I've tried. There's no way to understand any of it," she said. Her eyes were shimmering, close to tears, but she held them back furiously, "You have no idea what it's like to try to protect yourself from pain and realize that it's only causing it," she sighed.   
  
"Let it go for a while, Lily," he said gently, "you can't protect yourself from everything. Fate plays a larger role in life than you seem to think." He took her hands in his, his eyes on hers.   
  
She let out a weak laugh, "Always an answer. Just once I'd like to see you falter."  
  
He smiled softly, noticing that snowflakes had begun to fall once more, a bit of the powder catching in her hair. She leaned up to him then, and hesitating slightly, pressed her lips to his. Lily briefly forgot the cold and the uncertainties that seemed to lurk in her mind, and when she drew away to see his face, he was wearing an expression of astonishment, completely silent.   
  
"Ah, so James Potter doesn't have a response to everything."   
  
~~**~~  
  
A/N: Sorry it has been a while since I've updated, but school has just started once again, oh joy and rapture abounds, and I've been fairly busy. So, will try much harder next time to update sooner!!!! I hope you liked this chapter and tell me what you think. Hehehe, I have plans brewing for the future. Big Plans. Oh, now I sound like Sirius. Sheesh. Haha. I get to do the fun adventure stuff soon. Yay! *hops around excitedly* So, till next chapter!!! 


	10. Confusion

Chapter Ten  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Any Harry Potter characters. J.K. Rowling does. Not me. Never me.  
  
A/N: Terribly sorry for the delay. I've been gone for a few days, plus this awful bout of writer's block that has been consuming my plotting abilities. Argh. But, I think I have beaten it down for the time being. So, here is chapter ten in all of it's glory. Well, perhaps not glory, but you understand. Please review. I need it right now. Makes me feel so much better. Haha.   
  
~~**~~  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
~~**~~  
  
"You look cheery. What happened? Did you get top marks on that Potions homework?" Laura raised an eyebrow as Lily entered the Great Hall, settling into a seat beside her. Lily had a rather large smile on her face, in Laura's opinion. She waved her hand in front of Lily's face, trying to gain her attention.  
  
"Will you stop that? I heard you, and no, I didn't."  
  
"Sorry, but if you had seen yourself, you would have approved," Laura giggled. She had her long brown hair tied in a sleek ponytail and was wearing a bit more makeup than usual, Lily noticed.  
  
"Ah, trying to win the affections of Sirius?"  
  
Laura opened her mouth in mock indignation, "I'll have you know that he asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him this weekend," she said, "and is there something so shocking about me wanting to look nice?"  
  
Lily suppressed a laugh and smiled, "No, nothing. I'm sure you two will have a marvelous time."  
  
"What do you mean by that? She set her goblet down and stared at Lily, her eyes demanding a response.  
  
"I just don't think I could handle that many hours with Sirius Black. I'd pull out my hair."  
  
Laura frowned, "Well don't worry about it, Lily. At least I have someone to go with."  
  
Lily bit her tongue, fighting the impulse to shoot a comment back, and toying with her food instead. Laura mistook her silence for hurt, and softened a bit.  
  
"Hey, Lil, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just, well, being defensive."  
  
"I know," Lily said, "forget it."  
  
Laura smiled and resumed eating, her face lighting up when Sirius entered the Hall, alongside his comrades, and sat across the table from them.  
  
"Lily, didn't anyone ever tell you not to play with your food?" He teased, falling into his seat and winking at Laura.  
  
"Funny, I seem to remember a certain gravy incident that arose from just that…" Lily replied coolly, a hint of a smirk at the corners of her mouth. Her eyes lifted calmly to James's as he took his seat, facing hers. Their eyes connected, an unspoken exchange taking place, completely undetected by the group around them.   
  
Peter snorted, "He could have gotten you back for that one, but-"  
  
"But I'm waiting," Sirius grinned, lifting his goblet to his lips.  
  
"I'll be sure to watch myself, now that I have a Marauder plotting revenge on me," Laura laughed.   
  
A loud clang from the group of fourth-years seated at the end of the Gryffindor table caused them to lookup. A fair-haired boy had jinxed two plates to act as symbols and they were now clamoring noisily to the intense dislike of the students sitting near him. It wasn't until McGonagall tapped him on the shoulder that he realized she was behind him. He turned around guiltily, the plates dropping back to the table. From their seats, Lily and Laura could make out the words "detention" and "ten points from Gryffindor." They watched as the girl sitting next to the plate-jinxing boy smacked him in the back of the head and continued to assault him verbally. Sirius laughed and turned back to his food, shaking his head.  
  
"I wouldn't like to be him right now," he chuckled, "she's far worse than McGonagall."  
  
Laura raised her eyebrows, "Serves him right, making all that racket. Worse than a first-year."  
  
Remus smiled, "Yet you can levitate food and it's perfectly acceptable?"  
  
"Right," Laura grinned.  
  
Lily glanced at James, her eyes glowing warmly, wanting badly to break away from the group, to have a few moments with him. Finding time to be with him was becoming progressively harder, with Sirius and Laura being the two most frequent interruptions. She wished it were easier to merely walk with him, or to have a quiet conversation, but at the same time, they both knew that the longer they prolonged the mutual secret between them, the harder it would become.   
  
"Didn't I tell you, Lily?"  
  
She glanced at Laura, not having the slightest clue what she'd said, "Yeah."  
  
"See," Laura said triumphantly, "I was right!"  
  
Lily, having no idea what Laura was "right" about, tried to focus once more on the conversation.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Lily leaned against him, turning the page of her book leisurely. James was either deep in thought or fast asleep. Probably the latter, she guessed, judging by the steady rise and fall of his chest. She craned her neck to look at him, smiling when she found her assumptions to be true. Shutting her book and laying it down beside her, she carefully shifted positions, her eyes roaming over his face as he slept. She leaned over and kissed him softly, amused when he didn't stir. Trying once more to wake him, she moved to whisper in his ear, "Quidditch has been permanently banned from-"  
  
He woke with a jolt, looking alarmed, and realizing Lily was laughing, settled back into the couch.  
  
"Cruel," he muttered, "completely heartless."  
  
Lily grinned, "It was a second resort. You slept through the more favorable alternative." She glanced at the clock, "It's late. We have a transfigurations exam tomorrow and we're both going to sleep right through it."  
  
"It won't make much difference," he smiled, "the score will be about the same. What was it that I managed to sleep through?"  
  
Lily returned his smile, her mouth hovering only inches from his, when she heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Every time, James thought, every single bloody time…   
  
She moved away from him on the couch, the pair glancing to see Sirius enter, surprisingly wide awake. He disregarded Lily and looked directly to James.  
  
"You just got an owl," he said, his face empty of the usual lighthearted grin that was so common there. Lily saw something in his eyes that worried her, and stared from James to Sirius silently, watching as James rose slowly to his feet. James had instantly picked up on his friend's unease and had already begun to feel a hard knot forming in his stomach. He gave Lily a half-hearted smile and followed Sirius as they climbed the stairs, leaving Lily only to wonder.  
  
~~**~~  
  
"It's from mum," he said quietly, turning the envelope over in his hands. Sirius stood watching him, only serving to increase his worry. James sat down on his bed, opening the envelope as the other two of the Marauders slept. He was fumbling, finding it extremely difficult to open a letter for some reason. A frown line creased his brow as he read.  
  
~~**~~  
  
The soft light of dawn crept onto Lily's face, waking her from the few hours sleep she'd managed to get. She's waited in the common room, hoping he would return, tell her it was fine, that there was nothing to fear. But, of course, he didn't. James had left her with a grave look on his face that she rarely ever saw, and that may have been what troubled her the greatest. She finally given up, tossing and turning in her bed and trying to fall asleep, and somehow, must have done so eventually. She could not remember when she'd actually drifted off.  
  
Now, slipping out of the room and shivering at the feel of the icy floor, she crept down the stairs in her robe, hoping to find an explanation. As she reached the foot of the stairs, however, she realized the room was deserted. It seemed years since she had sat in there one morning, unable to sleep, and watched as James returned from Quidditch practice. Yet now here she was, clad in a robe and fretting about someone she would never in her life have thought would matter to her. Life was ironic.  
  
She made her way up the stairs as silently as she'd come down, crawling back into her bed and waiting for the minutes to pass. It seemed forever…  
  
"We're going to be late, Lily!" Laura crossed her arms impatiently, standing by the bathrooms and calling to her friend. "I'm hungry…you know I can't think on an empty stomach!"  
  
"Can't think on a full one either," Lily muttered, pulling her hair back. She entered the room gruffly and was already halfway down the stairs before Laura had realized she'd gone.   
  
"Hey, wait a sec! Lily, will you hold on a minute?!"   
  
"James," she replied, "I need to talk to him."  
  
"Great. Wonderful. But can you just wait?! I don't think he's going anywhere, Lil. I mean, what's he going to do, leave the country?"  
  
"I don't know," Lily said, exiting the portrait hole in a frenzy, "do you think he'd be at breakfast? I have no idea….." she trailed off, leaving Laura to stare in confusion as she rushed down the corridors. Laura gave up, standing outside the portrait hole and looking at the Fat Lady.  
  
"What do you reckon has gotten into her?" She looked to the portrait, who simply shrugged.   
  
Lily scanned the Gryffindor table, letting out a sigh. It was really no shock he would not be there. Remus, however, was sitting solely at the end of the table and she moved to sit beside him.  
  
"Good morning, Lily," he said, offering her a smile. His eyes were tired, it seemed.  
  
"What happened last night?"  
  
"Last night? I've no idea. Why, what's the matter?"  
  
Lily stared at him blankly. "You have honestly no idea whatsoever about what I'm talking about? Where is James? For God's sake, someone TELL me what is going on!" A few heads turned to look at her, including a few at the professors' table.   
  
Remus said comfortingly, "Lily, believe me, if I knew anything, I would tell you. But you are not making much sense."  
  
"James got a letter last night," she started.  
  
"In the middle of the night? That's strange," he said, his eyebrows furrowing.  
  
"You really don't know," she said flatly, "I've got to find him." With this she rose from the table, catching Dumbledore's eye and leaving Remus deserted once more.  
  
~~**~~ 


	11. Secrets and Confessions

Chapter Eleven  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. Not a one.  
  
A/N: Thanks for your reviews, guys! I love you all tremendously. Here is chapter eleven, and I have to say that I really enjoyed writing it. I have a few comments at the end of the story, but I thought that rather than spoil anything I'd just wait until the end. So, here it is! Read for yourself!  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
~~**~~  
  
James leaned with one arm propped against the wall, facing the courtyard. He didn't notice Lily as she approached him until she reached out to place her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"James," she said, and seeing the look in his eyes, found she was incapable of offering any words. He ran his fingers through her hair, flinging secrecy to the wind. That was a game they were doomed to lose. His eyes were dark and hollow, as if he'd lost the last shred of happiness and was now lifeless. When he smiled softly, she knew it was strained. His entire manner seemed labored; he was struggling and she could sense it radiating from him. Yet he remained silent.   
  
"James," she tried again, but her own voice sounded foreign to her ears. "That letter…"  
  
He breathed out slowly, focusing on her lips as she spoke, avoiding at all costs those bright, penetrating eyes. When he didn't answer she clutched his hand in hers, forcing him to lift his eyes to hers.  
  
"They haven't found him yet," he said.   
  
"Who? James, tell me. What did that letter say?"  
  
He sighed and glanced away, removing his hand from hers. "The letter was from my mother," he muttered, "telling me that the Ministry is still searching for my father. Most likely for a funeral."  
  
Her mouth dropped open slightly, but she stammered, "Why?"  
  
James gave her a weary look that begged her not to question further, yet his mouth was gushing forth the words before he realized it. "She said he'd decided to help out some of the Aurors, a mission of sorts. Mum told him it was foolish, but…well," he smiled sadly, "that's dad."  
  
Lily sat down gently on the ledge of the window, stunned. She stared up at him, "What went wrong?" The simplicity of the question made the whole thing seem trifling, though inside he knew she hadn't intended it sound the way it had. At the moment, his frustration was overwhelming him.  
  
"What couldn't have gone wrong, Lily?" His anger was fully apparent now, and he stood taller. "Nobody knows what's going on, or how to handle it. It's a blind rush into death. There were five people in that group, and three haven't yet turned up. They wanted to face something, well they sure as hell did!"  
  
"Who's to say he's not alive, James?!"   
  
He let out a sigh, his voice having been echoing through the hallways only moments before. "This one's too close for optimism. I don't have that great of supply."  
  
She dared to take his hands again, hoping he wouldn't move away. "I can't tell you to be optimistic. It would just be pretending, and holding pain inside is poison." She squeezed his hand, "Don't carry this around by yourself."  
  
"Throwing my own advice in my face, now," he murmured.  
  
"No, I'm just offering it to you."  
  
"It's amazingly hard to be on the receiving end of it."  
  
Lily scooted of the ledge, releasing his hand to touch his cheek, grateful when he drew her near. "I'm not giving up hope yet, James."  
  
"I don't think that's wise," he breathed. In his eyes was pained but firm resolve. He could not be persuaded. Lily could sense his composure draining. Her own eyes prickling with tears, she wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his shoulder. His breathing was shaky as he fought to control the flood of emotions. The pair embraced, the world narrowing to where they stood, as another two rounded the corner. They watched as James held Lily tightly, fending off his sorrow, and heard her words being whispered in the stillness of the corridor.   
  
~~**~~  
  
Minerva glanced to Albus Dumbledore, raising her hand to her mouth. She was about to speak, but stopped when he simply lifted his hand. His eyes seemed to say, "Let them have their moment."   
  
  
  
~~**~~  
  
In front of them, Lily's gently murmured confession reached James's ears. The warmth of her breath against his neck, the way she nestled against him so perfectly, clouded his perception and delayed his mind from registering her words. When he finally realized what she'd said, he pulled back to look at her, disbelievingly.   
  
"I love you…" the words were like a drug, making his thoughts slow and hazy. For a moment, his grief was quieted, outdone by a kind of stupor that had formed over him. He tried to respond, but saw out of the corner of his eye two lone figures watching at the end of the corridor. Lily saw his eyes glance in their direction and looked as well.  
  
"Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans," Dumbledore said, without the slightest trace of a smile, "I need to have a word with you both."  
  
~**~~  
  
Laura sat down at the Gryffindor table, shaking her head. Remus glanced up from his parchment.  
  
"I can't figure out what's gotten into her," she muttered.  
  
"I assume you are referring to Lily," Remus said, setting down his quill. Peter had joined him and was busy with his toast, finding it quite the highlight of the morning. Remus raised his eyebrows at his happily munching friend and then looked back to Laura.  
  
"Yeah. She's been acting strange lately."  
  
Peter snorted, though it was hard to determine if he was laughing or merely choking on toast. "Lily? Acting strange? Never."  
  
Remus sighed, "She did come in here a few minutes ago in quite a rush, but she didn't really explain why."  
  
"She didn't say anything at all? "She needed to find James, said something about a letter, and dashed off to find him."  
  
Laura set her fork down, instantly looking irritated. "I think I know exactly what happened," she said.  
  
Peter glanced up from his toast to listen, hearing Laura's tone.   
  
"Probably got a letter from her father," she continued, "and she refuses to talk about it with me. Keeps it all one big secret, like she doesn't want anyone to know what's going on. Well if she can go run to talk to James about it and not her best mate then I really don't see the point in telling her anything either. Honestly, James? I'm sure he makes a wonderful conversationalist."  
  
"Actually," a voice interjected, "You're wrong."  
  
The three looked up to see Sirius standing behind her, his grin replaced by a frown. In fact, he looked years older, it seemed.  
  
"About James? I really don't care," Laura snapped, still apparently angry.  
  
"No," he replied, "About the whole thing. You have no idea what you're going on about, Laura."  
  
She looked at him as if stung, but said calmly, "Then why don't you tell us all what happened then. You seem to know."  
  
Sirius took his seat, facing the three pairs of eyes focused on him. "It's really not my business to say."  
  
"What do you mean, "it's not your business?" You're so keen to correct me but you won't even tell us what's going on?"  
  
Sirius sighed, "You'll have to talk to James," he said. "I think he'd prefer if I didn't tell you."  
  
Remus frowned, "Lily mentioned a letter. This has something to do with it. Have you spoken to James today?"  
  
"I'll just ask Lily," Laura told them, interrupting. "Much easier than finding James."  
  
Sirius temper flared, having been constantly on edge for hours now. "What makes you think that she's going to tell you? You said it yourself, she doesn't tell you anything!"  
  
Laura slammed her goblet down, rising to her feet. Her temper almost matched his. "Better than trying to get an explanation out of you!"  
  
"You're…" he sputtered, "aargh!" His hand flew in the air in frustration, and he didn't bother to watch as she stormed out of the Great Hall.  
  
Remus sat in silence, but Peter piped up, "Competing for the place of James and Lily?"  
  
Sirius glared at him, picked up his goblet, and drained the contents over Peter's head before exiting the room himself.  
  
~~**~~  
  
"James, I understand you received a letter from your mother last night," Dumbledore said gently. He folded his hands on his desk, peering from behind his spectacles at James and Lily. Lily had only been in the headmaster's office twice during her seven years at Hogwarts and marveled at the multitude of objects around her. So many devices she could not name, or know their purpose, sat on shelves or on tables, reflecting the light of the room. Now, she focused on Dumbledore.  
  
"Yes," James responded. Lily could see he wasn't pleased at the idea of talking about it all over again, but knew there was nothing either of them could do.  
  
"I have spoken with your mother already this morning," Dumbledore told him, "She is quite shaken up, as you can imagine."  
  
Lily suddenly wanted to jump out of her seat and say, "Well of course! What about James?!!" Fortunately, she refrained from any outburst.  
  
James simply responded, "I know. I could tell from the letter."  
  
Dumbledore nodded, "The Ministry is doing all they can."  
  
At this Lily let a disgusted reaction escape her lips, catching the headmaster's attention. When he looked at her without response she said, "The Ministry is about as clueless as a bunch of children! You say that they are doing their best, but I disagree. James's father is out there-"  
  
"Lily," James touched her arm, but Dumbledore cut him off.   
  
"Let her continue," he said calmly.  
  
She seemed momentarily thrown off, but managed to regain her thoughts. "What are they doing to help? Nothing is ever accomplished by the Ministry. Wizards, good wizards, end up losing their lives because of stupid mistakes. How long are we going to sit here while this goes on?!"  
  
Dumbledore sat contemplating this, and then said, " You're absolutely right."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, you are right. Good wizards are losing their lives, it seems like nothing is being done, but I assure you, there are those of us that do care, and are working on the situation at hand." He looked to James, leaving Lily staring.   
  
"James, your father is part of the Union of Secrecy."  
  
"The what?"  
  
"The Union of Secrecy. He is a member, as am I. You see, there are wizards who feel very much like you, Ms. Evans, and wish to do something about the terrible events around us. Some of the members you may know, or have heard of, and others most likely not. There are a great deal of us, as the Minster of Magic knows. More often than not, we tend to take matters into our own hands by gathering information, or even spying. Your own father, Lily, works for us as well. I am sure he hasn't mentioned it." Dumbledore looked back to James, "The night that your father went with the group to head off Voldemort, three of party were members."  
  
"They are the three still missing?" James had caught on and was now fully comprehending what had happened.  
  
Dumbledore frowned, "I am afraid so. I do not want to further increase your worry, James, but I must tell you, one of those missing persons has been found. I regret to say that he is no longer with us."  
  
"And my father," James asked quietly.  
  
"We have reason to believe he may have also suffered the same fate." Dumbledore's eyes showed every bit as much sympathy as Lily's, though she found herself growing angry with him.  
  
"I don't understand," she said, "how is it that two could have escaped? Why haven't the others turned up?"  
  
"The group faced an unexpected number of Death Eaters, and decided to abandon the scene . They knew their power was not as strong as an entire assembly of Voldemort's supporters. However, our wizards lost contact with each other during their escape."  
  
James winced, "They have him. That's why he hasn't shown up yet. Or he is already dead."  
  
Dumbledore looked apologetically at James, who was staring at the floor. "As much as it grieves me to say it, that may very well be true."  
  
Lily had gone pale, her heart wrenching at James's obvious misery. "How long will they search?"  
  
"I cannot say. I am sure they will continue for a few more days, at least. After that,…"  
  
James looked ill. His face had taken a grayish shade and he was looking so intensely at the carpet Lily thought it might burst into flame. He appeared about ready to collapse, and she reached over to grasp his hand. He didn't look up.  
  
"Is there nothing they can do? A few days? What if he is alive?" She glared at Dumbledore, unsure why her anger was directed at him, but feeling it emanating from deep within nonetheless.  
  
"I am sure they will give their best efforts, Lily," he said gently, "We have members form the Union working on it as well. But eventually, we will have to face the outcome."  
  
James's fingers twitched. Lily felt his pain in every glance she took. "That's not good enough," she said suddenly.  
  
"I am sorry, Ms. Evans, but we all must accept what happens, even though I know all of us wish it weren't so."  
  
"You speak as though he is already dead! Am I the only one who has hope?"  
  
"Not at all. I do advise, however, not to let it grow too greatly."  
  
"I know the circumstances, headmaster," Lily said heatedly.   
  
"This Union, can you be sure that you trust everyone in it?" James's voice was flat, as if he was speaking from dreams.  
  
"You think that someone may have let information slip? I am entirely confident in saying that each member is trustworthy, yes."  
  
"It seems strange to me that they faced such a large assembly of Death Eaters. Were they not given information that told them the whereabouts of a very small number of supporters?"  
  
"It is entirely possible that someone may have warned them, you're right. But I do not believe it came from within the Union."  
  
James glanced up, finally breaking away from the ground. "You may want to check your members' loyalty."  
  
Lily had been thinking for a few minutes as well, "Is it not also possible that someone from the ministry may have tipped them off?"  
  
Dumbledore gave the slightest hint of a smile, or so it seemed to her, before replying, "That may be the case. I had thought about that as well."  
  
"Then who can we trust? If those who are supposed to be fighting for good are the ones who are doing the most damage?" She sat forward in her chair, looking steadily at Dumbledore.  
  
"In times such as these, Ms. Evans, who is qualified enough to gain our confidence? I have my intuitions about certain people," he said, "for example, those who are part of the Union."  
  
"And outside of that?"   
  
The headmaster frowned, "I would like to know the answer to that myself."  
  
~~**~~  
  
James sat staring into nothingness. He sat in the common room, having been excused from classes for the day. He almost wished he hadn't been. This solitude was torture. The only activity he had the luxury of enjoying was running things over continually in his mind.   
  
"Might as well be thankful for the quiet," he thought, "because in about three hours, I'm going to be bombarded with more questions than ever in my life." And then, he thought back to the corridor. Standing with his arms around Lily as she tried to comfort him, holding her and trying to forget his grief. He'd not had the chance to fully take in her words, but yet she'd said them.   
  
"I love you…" they lingered in his mind, bringing him temporary release. But had she meant it, he wondered. Had she been trying to soothe him and said the first thing that came to mind?   
  
"Let it go, Prongs," he thought, "she told you she loved you, stop trying to second-guess everything. Just let it be."  
  
For a second he felt he must have imagined it, but knew he hadn't. He found himself unable to even think of a response, let alone bring it up when he had the chance to talk to her.  
  
"You didn't respond in the first place," he thought, "you just looked at her like an idiot."  
  
The sound of the portrait swinging open jolted him to awareness, and he turned on the couch to see who was entering. He prayed it wasn't anyone who wanted to talk to him. He didn't think he could handle it right then.  
  
To his surprise, he saw Lily step through the portrait hole.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He didn't know whether to feel relieved or apprehensive, but she offered him a soft smile, rounding the couch to fall into the chair in front of him.  
  
"I decided that you mattered more than the detentions I'm going to receive for this," she said.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
She sighed, shaking her head, "I don't know anymore. But I'm definitely not the same person I was a few months ago. I don't care about this place anymore. Come what may, I guess. Life is too brief to focus on trivial things."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
She leaned forward in the chair, "Such as how many nights I'm going to be polishing trophies for coming here to relieve you of your thoughts," she smiled.  
  
"Relieve me of my thoughts? I don't think that's possible," he said. He at least wasn't as pale as earlier, though his eyes were weary.   
  
"Perhaps not, but I thought you might want some company."  
  
He smiled weakly, "Only yours."  
  
Lily moved to sit next to him, snuggling against him when he put his arm around her shoulder. She rested her head against his neck, saying softly, "Sometimes, forgetting reality isn't very hard. If I could stay like this, I don't think I would really mind what was going on."  
  
"Lily," he began, but she raised her head to look at him. The look in his eyes, however, stopped her from saying anything. He raise a hand to brush her cheek, "I love you, Lily. I should have said it before, but…"  
  
She leaned up and kissed him, letting his sentence trail off. He welcomed the warmth of her lips, wanting to escape the sadness that had been building inside him. Slowly, he began to push his thoughts from his mind, becoming extremely perceptive to her touch. She ran her fingertips over his neck, up into his hair, pulling him gently down as she leaned back on the couch. James struggled to control his own mounting desire, covering her warm neck with slow and languid kisses. She breathed hot air against his ear, making it hard for him to think. His eyes met hers, and he could see her skin was flushed. He stroked her cheekbone, unsure if this continued, that he would be able to stop. The answer was made for him when the portrait hole swung open for a second time.  
  
~~**~~  
  
A/N: So, yet another cliffhanger. I am really sorry, but I can't help it. Can anyone guess who it is? I'll give you a ball of yarn and two pretzels if you do. What did you think? I feel so bad for James. Oh, yes, about the Union of Secrecy. That is a product of my imagination. It was formed before the Order of the Phoenix, but totally collapsed because it turned out that some of the members were feeding information to the Dark Lord. So, when the Order formed, it was years later and they took more precautions. That's my logic. Go figure. Review please!!!!!! Oh, and word of warning, I hope no one gets angry or anything at me for this, but some higher rated scenes are probably going to show up in the next chapter or two, and well, I thought I'd let you know. Unless you all hate that and say 'Absolutely not, Alisa, we won't have it." Oh well. Maybe I won't……you'll just have to see. 


	12. Conversation

Chapter Twelve  
  
Disclaimer: I do not, never have, and never will own the Harry Potter characters. The idea that anyone who writes on here does is ludicrous. Honestly. Sheesh.  
  
A/N: Well, I am very sorry for the prolonged wait for this chapter. I was working on deciding where my plot with all of this was going, and ran into a few snags here and there. Hopefully, I have managed to get them worked out. Not a very thrilling chapter, this one, but there you go. In order for things to happen, there has to be the slightly boring chapter that comes before the exciting ones. Although, I do like some bits of it. Writing conversations is great fun, I always like to see their responses and reactions. I will cease talking now, before you feel compelled to throw something at me. Here you go! Review!!!!!!!!!! Or suffer the consequences….bwah hahahaha.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
"What do you fear most, Mr. Potter?" The voice was icy, sardonic. The dim light of the chamber added little help in hiding the man's features, for they were already shrouded by a mask. The mask of a Death Eater….a grotesque veil of evil. This man's eyes were indifferent, apathetic to pain, to life. His existence thrived on following orders; this was merely perfunctory. It was all part of the grand spectrum. Serve and follow. Live and die. It was amazingly simple. He stared at the battered man before him.   
  
"Shall I ask you once more? What do you fear most?"  
  
The man did not answer. He was growing frustrated. Standing so proudly, as if he were nobility. He would answer…..he would be forced to answer.  
  
A sharp blow to the face brought blood trickling from the corner of the man's mouth, yet he remained unmoved. He merely retuned the stare, his eyes never conveying either anger or fear, though surely he was afraid. Surely in the presence of a Death Eater, surely standing unarmed, surely he must be breaking down.  
  
"You must have a fear of some kind," the masked man said tauntingly, "perhaps of what is in store for you?"  
  
"If you're asking if I fear death, the answer is no."   
  
"On the contrary, Mr. Potter. I was referring to something far worse than death. You will see that death will begin to look very inviting indeed."  
  
"Will I? And what is in store for you, I wonder? An ongoing path of meek, pathetic obedience? Killing the innocent, taking the lives of those who cannot protect themselves? All the while hiding behind a mask, you cowardly bas-" His words were cut short by another dizzying clout. This time the Death Eater raised his wand, aiming it steadily, locking eyes with the prisoner, fury boiling inside him.  
  
Outside, in the dank corridor, one word rang clear. Crucio.  
  
~~**~~  
  
James propelled himself from Lily, and in thus doing so, managed to fall to the floor in a heap, his glasses jolted askew. Both he and Lily met with startled expressions the face of Sirius Black.  
  
For a moment, it was a battle of staring.   
  
Sirius glanced between the two, observing Lily, who was now quite disheveled and blushing furiously, and James, sprawled in surprise on the floor. A rather large grin spread on his face.  
  
"Bad timing?"  
  
James adjusted his glasses, "Incredibly."  
  
Lily avoided Sirius's eyes. She could tell he was on the verge of a wild fit of laughter and feared that she might trigger it. Determined to not glance his way, she focused on James, feeling her skin grow a few shades deeper red as her embarrassment grew.  
  
"Ah, well I didn't expect…" he threw a sidelong look at Lily, "this."   
  
"The same thing could be said about you, mate," James muttered, climbing to his feet. "You picked a hell of time to show concern."  
  
"If I'd known you were being 'comforted' I wouldn't have bothered."  
  
Lily cleared her throat, throwing a sharp look at Sirius. "Would you like me to leave, or shall I sit here and listen?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Sure." Sirius's comment was almost simultaneous with James's, creating an odd effect. From her seat on the couch, Lily muttered something indistinguishable and made to get up, as the two friends bickered on.   
  
"Wait," James commanded, "just stop."  
  
Both Lily and James quieted at the tone of his voice. He was obviously weary of this…weary and irritated. He sank into a chair.   
  
"I didn't expect to have to deal with any questions for at least a few hours," he said, "But I can see I'm going to have to answer a couple."  
  
"Starting with, 'what in Merlin's name is going on?'," Sirius grunted.  
  
James nodded, "I'd say that would be a very good starting point."  
  
~~**~~  
  
"So how did you manage you melt the Ice Queen, Prongs?" Sirius leaned with one arm against the fireplace mantle, flashing a suggestive grin at Lily. For a moment, she hoped his robes would catch fire. He caught her vindictive glare and smiled. "Sorry, your Highness."   
  
"You and Evans…would have never thought I'd walk in on the pair of you," he continued, "bout' the least likely thing I'd expect."  
  
"Must you keep bringing that up," Lily asked.  
  
Sirius shrugged, "I find it amusing. The look on your faces." He imitated James's startled expression with amazing accuracy, forcing her to smile.  
  
James raised his eyebrows, "I did not look like that."  
  
"No, I think your eyes may have been a bit wider."   
  
"Glad you can get your jollies from all this," James muttered, "You'll have hell to pay later."  
  
"Ah, well, I took the risk. Besides, wouldn't be right of me if I let you go mad." Sirius flopped down onto a nearby chair, "I don't feel like making repeated visits to St. Mungo's."   
  
"For once I agree with him," Lily said, nudging James, "At least you have our concerned."  
  
"How touching," Sirius retorted, wiping a mock tear from his eye.   
  
"Have you ever heard of the Union of Secrecy?" James's comment had come from nowhere, and caught his friend off-guard.  
  
"No, why?"  
  
"Just thinking…my father was part of it. Now I'm starting to wonder what else the man had up his sleeve."  
  
"Or has," Lily said gently.  
  
He sighed, "Let's face facts on this. The chance that he is actually alive are very slim. If he is, don't you think he would have turned up by now?"  
  
Lily frowned. "I think if he was dead he would have turned up by now."  
  
Sirius had grown solemn, but he said, "Is your mum under some sort of protection?"  
  
"Yeah, the ministry is seeing to that, at least. You're getting at something?"  
  
"Were there any other people in on this whole Union thing?" His eyes revealed the determination with which he was piecing everything together.  
  
James nodded, "I know where you're going with this. Yes, the other two that didn't manage to get away. One's dead, we know that much. It does seem very deliberate, doesn't it? Believe me, I've been trying to explain it to myself."  
  
Lily leaned forward, "Clearly something isn't right with all of this. Think about it. Five people go to face what is supposed to be a few Death Eaters, wind up finding much more than they expected, and realizing they are extremely outnumbered, try to escape. Somehow, in all of the commotion, two manage to get away. The two who aren't members of the Union. Seems a bit odd."  
  
"You're bloody right it does," Sirius said gruffly, "For all we know, those two could have set the whole thing up."  
  
"I don't think so," James objected, "It would be too obvious. But you can be damned sure someone is leaking out information, whether from within the Ministry or the Union."  
  
"You said it yourself, one of the members is dead," Sirius said.  
  
"That doesn't mean anything. Whoever it is, or they, I'm sure the main concern isn't the life of one member."  
  
"Of course, I'm sure those blundering idiots at the Ministry haven't yet worked that out," said Lily crossly.  
  
"Even if they had, we wouldn't know about it, would we?" Sirius told them, "We're in the dark here."  
  
"Dumbledore was very careful about not mentioning names," James added, "He didn't really let anything slip."  
  
"Probably figured you'd be doing exactly what you are now," Sirius said, "If he'd given you names, he knew you would have done something, contact them, start asking a lot of questions."  
  
"I doubt anyone would tell you anything useful. How easy would it be to get information from a member of something called, 'the Union of Secrecy'?" Lily sighed.  
  
"Perhaps it depends on who you're talking to," James said.  
  
~~**~~ 


End file.
